so of late, I've noticed that I've been feeling a little less than confident around a particular friend of mine
this is of course causing me no end of confusion because this person is a person who up till recently I felt very comfortable around
and I am not really too sure what it is that has changed that has made me be nervous around him
****
recently too, I've noticed that things that would have irritated me or upset me before, aren't
and strangely enough, I kinda like that
its like I'm putting things into a different kind of perspective, the grief and heartache I went thru before, it doesn't seem like its worth it to get like that over something that's inconsequential and something that I could ignore
***
Fallen by Lauren Wood (from the Pretty woman soundtrack)
I can't believe it,
you're a dream comin' true.
I can't believe how I have fallen for you.
And I was not looking,
was content to remain.
And it's ironic to be back in the game.
You are the one who's led me to the sun.
How could I know that
I was lost without you...
And I want to tell you,
you control my rain..
And you should know that
you are life in my veins.
You are the one who's led me to the sun.
How could I know that
I was lost without you...
I can't believe it,
you're a dream comin' true.
I can't believe how I have fallen for you.
And I was not looking,
was content to remain.
And it's erotic to be back in the game.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
I got this email today
talking about some show that the bbc had on, saying that Barbados was involved in some kind of slavery, and this was a direct result of all the non-nationals who are now purchasing the land and this was a fault Owen Arthur becuz he allowed these people to buy the land
NOW what kinda of stupidness is that
Barbadians don't buy their own products, they don't support their own ever, bajan business owners have no kind of solidarity from bajans and it goes on.
There is this mentality of always wanting to be BETTER,
you can't afford a new cell phone, but you buy it anyway becuz its better,
you can't afford to shop in supercentre but you do cuz its better
you can't afford to pay your bills, your electricity might be cut off but you have all kind of brand named clothes becuz some stupid ass Rap singer on the most RACIST channel I've ever watched name drops
what the fuck is that
Bajans don't HAVE the money to invest in their own and BUY the fucking land themselves
and for that Owen Arthur is responsible???
WHAT the hell
and even if they did
I doubt that they would buy it
Barbadians are accredited as being some of THE most intellectual and intelliget people in the commonwealth, in this region of the world
but good grief
simple economics, if we invest in our OWN first, our own businesses can then afford to purchase the land and the property and then it will truly be "ours"
talking about some show that the bbc had on, saying that Barbados was involved in some kind of slavery, and this was a direct result of all the non-nationals who are now purchasing the land and this was a fault Owen Arthur becuz he allowed these people to buy the land
NOW what kinda of stupidness is that
Barbadians don't buy their own products, they don't support their own ever, bajan business owners have no kind of solidarity from bajans and it goes on.
There is this mentality of always wanting to be BETTER,
you can't afford a new cell phone, but you buy it anyway becuz its better,
you can't afford to shop in supercentre but you do cuz its better
you can't afford to pay your bills, your electricity might be cut off but you have all kind of brand named clothes becuz some stupid ass Rap singer on the most RACIST channel I've ever watched name drops
what the fuck is that
Bajans don't HAVE the money to invest in their own and BUY the fucking land themselves
and for that Owen Arthur is responsible???
WHAT the hell
and even if they did
I doubt that they would buy it
Barbadians are accredited as being some of THE most intellectual and intelliget people in the commonwealth, in this region of the world
but good grief
simple economics, if we invest in our OWN first, our own businesses can then afford to purchase the land and the property and then it will truly be "ours"
Friday, August 13, 2004
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
I've been feeling very artistic of late
I went and bought some pastels and charcoal and some sketch pads
I also bought a notebook and a new pen so that I could do some writing
I feel that my muse is in gear
I mean like she's really kicking in all of a sudden
I mean not that I've done anything of any merit yet
BUT
I feel the need to
which is something I haven't felt in a while
its strange
in my mind's eye I keep having this image of a woman with her throat tied up
she can speak and breathe and operate as normal but what the cords are constricting
are the things she wants to say that no one will let her say
its an image I get alot of
and for the life of me I can't think of anything I want to say that I am not saying
but anyway
the other day I was reading a cosmo
and there was this woman who was suffering from writer's block and the advice that the person in the column said was
imagine you have a blue light illuminating from your throat
shining thru your neck and it comes out from your neck thru your nose and eyes and finger tips
and somehow that image is helping me
***
I'm actually looking forward to school
I really think last semester I was burnt out like dry toast
!
and this summer has been exactly what the doctor ordered
I would have liked to have travelled a teensy bit more (I did NO travelling)
but hey money doesn't grow on trees so what can I say
I realise more and more that life is incredibly short, or long depending how you look at it
but you should never take for granted the things you have in front of you
in plain sight
and if ever there is something that you think you might want, or need
that you should go after it immediately
and while quarrelling is important
it really isn't necessary
and you shouldn't waste time on shit like that!
I went and bought some pastels and charcoal and some sketch pads
I also bought a notebook and a new pen so that I could do some writing
I feel that my muse is in gear
I mean like she's really kicking in all of a sudden
I mean not that I've done anything of any merit yet
BUT
I feel the need to
which is something I haven't felt in a while
its strange
in my mind's eye I keep having this image of a woman with her throat tied up
she can speak and breathe and operate as normal but what the cords are constricting
are the things she wants to say that no one will let her say
its an image I get alot of
and for the life of me I can't think of anything I want to say that I am not saying
but anyway
the other day I was reading a cosmo
and there was this woman who was suffering from writer's block and the advice that the person in the column said was
imagine you have a blue light illuminating from your throat
shining thru your neck and it comes out from your neck thru your nose and eyes and finger tips
and somehow that image is helping me
***
I'm actually looking forward to school
I really think last semester I was burnt out like dry toast
!
and this summer has been exactly what the doctor ordered
I would have liked to have travelled a teensy bit more (I did NO travelling)
but hey money doesn't grow on trees so what can I say
I realise more and more that life is incredibly short, or long depending how you look at it
but you should never take for granted the things you have in front of you
in plain sight
and if ever there is something that you think you might want, or need
that you should go after it immediately
and while quarrelling is important
it really isn't necessary
and you shouldn't waste time on shit like that!
Monday, August 09, 2004
If We Must Die by Claude McKay
If we must die, let it not be like hogs
Hunted and penned in an inglorious spot,
While round us bark the mad and hungry dogs,
Making their mock at our accursed lot.
If we must die, O let us nobly die,
So that our precious blood may not be shed
In vain; then even the monsters we defy
Shall be constrained to honor us though dead!
O kinsmen! we must meet the common foe!
Though far outnumbered let us show us brave,
And for their thousand blows deal one deathblow!
What though before us lies the open grave?
Like men we'll face the murderous, cowardly pack,
Pressed to the wall, dying, but fighting back!
If we must die, let it not be like hogs
Hunted and penned in an inglorious spot,
While round us bark the mad and hungry dogs,
Making their mock at our accursed lot.
If we must die, O let us nobly die,
So that our precious blood may not be shed
In vain; then even the monsters we defy
Shall be constrained to honor us though dead!
O kinsmen! we must meet the common foe!
Though far outnumbered let us show us brave,
And for their thousand blows deal one deathblow!
What though before us lies the open grave?
Like men we'll face the murderous, cowardly pack,
Pressed to the wall, dying, but fighting back!
Trick me : Kelis
Wooo
This is It Yeah
Wooo
Said I've paid my dues for all that i've done
And I showed you that I love you more than once
Theres nothing left there to decide
Said you might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice
Freedom to us has alwayz been a trick
Freedom to u has alwayz been who ever landed on your dick
Seen it in you one too many times
Said you might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice no
Might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice
Might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice no
Might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice
No I won't let you trick me twice
Those days are old and overdone
And it's only cause i'm not with you that you make me number one
Though I may love you
It hurts me deep inside Oh
Now you no longer have to hide
I used to be down with the late night hit
Started gettin' heavy when I really wasn't ready
Used my past to get in my mind
So I fell for your lies like all the time
I thought you were the shit to be playin around
Call the police theres a mad girl in town
Could'nt get even here without a sound
It's not how I wanna get down Yeah (You)
Might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice
Might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice no
Might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice
No I won't let you trick me twice
No I won't let you trick me twice
And I've paid my dues all that i've done
And I showed you that I love you more than once
Theres nothing left there to decide
Ooh Trick me I won't let you trick me twice
You might trick me once
I won't let me trick you twice
You might trick me once
No I won't let me trick you twice no
You might trick me once
No I won't let me trick you twice
Woooo
Peace
Woooo
Woooo
Woooo
Wooo
This is It Yeah
Wooo
Said I've paid my dues for all that i've done
And I showed you that I love you more than once
Theres nothing left there to decide
Said you might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice
Freedom to us has alwayz been a trick
Freedom to u has alwayz been who ever landed on your dick
Seen it in you one too many times
Said you might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice no
Might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice
Might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice no
Might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice
No I won't let you trick me twice
Those days are old and overdone
And it's only cause i'm not with you that you make me number one
Though I may love you
It hurts me deep inside Oh
Now you no longer have to hide
I used to be down with the late night hit
Started gettin' heavy when I really wasn't ready
Used my past to get in my mind
So I fell for your lies like all the time
I thought you were the shit to be playin around
Call the police theres a mad girl in town
Could'nt get even here without a sound
It's not how I wanna get down Yeah (You)
Might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice
Might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice no
Might trick me once
I won't let you trick me twice
No I won't let you trick me twice
No I won't let you trick me twice
And I've paid my dues all that i've done
And I showed you that I love you more than once
Theres nothing left there to decide
Ooh Trick me I won't let you trick me twice
You might trick me once
I won't let me trick you twice
You might trick me once
No I won't let me trick you twice no
You might trick me once
No I won't let me trick you twice
Woooo
Peace
Woooo
Woooo
Woooo
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Fella
oh i had a blast
SUCH A BLAST I STILL AINTMAKE IT TO WORK YET
me: haha
you're back home now?
Fella:
yeah left yesterday
me:
glad you had fun
Fella:
had a cool time even tho u aint callme up to take me out LOL
Me:
um
how was I to call you?
Fella:
just joking booo
but i did see u at baje and u loooked right at me and didnt even recognize me
me:
haha I saw you what once?
lord man
That is a classic example of someone being just a tad bit unreasonable
now I don't know this guy
never met him before
a friend who wasn't coming home asked me to give him my number and take care of him and his 5 jamaican female friends when he got here (yes five)
so I gave him my number
the man NEVER called me
I ran into him one time at Berger Boys and then never again
he claims I looked at him BUT I know this weekend I've be suffering from shortsightedness or something cuz someone would be right in front of me and I miss them completely
****
it may seem strange but I never really thought about guys having feelings
I mean of course they have feelings but somehow I just figured they were alot more stoic than girls
I mean a guy can be sensitive about things and emotional but in a guy way you know?
and sometimes the things that you do may end up hurting them and you don't even realise
don't get me wrong I try to be conscious of people's feelings
but I have to admit it kinda surprised me when this particular guy winced in pain by something I did
*****
tonite I'm going on a double date with Daana and two interesting fellas
:)
we gine have TWO hours of HORROR MOVIE THRILLS!
yes!
the village!!!!!
****
there is something exceptionally attractive about an intelligent guy
a guy who knows alot
I mean
its a little intimidating but at the same time oddly thrilling and exciting
picture this scenario
stretched out on a couch watching Mona Lisa Smile, in awe of all the paintings and how the "characters" could rattle off the names with ease, and thinking to myself I need to have some more culture in me, and be able to identify paintings and eras like that
when on the screen a crate opens and a mammoth painting is "unveiled" for want of a better word
now I was just staring at this painting becuz it was gorgeous absolutely gorgeous
and the two intellectual men in my presence begin to talk
"is that Pollock?"
"hmmm it might be, I'm not sure"
cut to Julia Roberts saying this is Jackson Pollock.....
"very good!"
I ain't speak yet mind you cuz I was still like ??? who is that?
mind you I'm still kinda proud of myself becuz its like in some part of my subconsciousness I recognised the painting and when he said Pollock I knew who he was talking about but...wow
that's all I have to say
wow
he knows so much and says so many things that I didn't think he'd know
its cool
oh i had a blast
SUCH A BLAST I STILL AINTMAKE IT TO WORK YET
me: haha
you're back home now?
Fella:
yeah left yesterday
me:
glad you had fun
Fella:
had a cool time even tho u aint callme up to take me out LOL
Me:
um
how was I to call you?
Fella:
just joking booo
but i did see u at baje and u loooked right at me and didnt even recognize me
me:
haha I saw you what once?
lord man
That is a classic example of someone being just a tad bit unreasonable
now I don't know this guy
never met him before
a friend who wasn't coming home asked me to give him my number and take care of him and his 5 jamaican female friends when he got here (yes five)
so I gave him my number
the man NEVER called me
I ran into him one time at Berger Boys and then never again
he claims I looked at him BUT I know this weekend I've be suffering from shortsightedness or something cuz someone would be right in front of me and I miss them completely
****
it may seem strange but I never really thought about guys having feelings
I mean of course they have feelings but somehow I just figured they were alot more stoic than girls
I mean a guy can be sensitive about things and emotional but in a guy way you know?
and sometimes the things that you do may end up hurting them and you don't even realise
don't get me wrong I try to be conscious of people's feelings
but I have to admit it kinda surprised me when this particular guy winced in pain by something I did
*****
tonite I'm going on a double date with Daana and two interesting fellas
:)
we gine have TWO hours of HORROR MOVIE THRILLS!
yes!
the village!!!!!
****
there is something exceptionally attractive about an intelligent guy
a guy who knows alot
I mean
its a little intimidating but at the same time oddly thrilling and exciting
picture this scenario
stretched out on a couch watching Mona Lisa Smile, in awe of all the paintings and how the "characters" could rattle off the names with ease, and thinking to myself I need to have some more culture in me, and be able to identify paintings and eras like that
when on the screen a crate opens and a mammoth painting is "unveiled" for want of a better word
now I was just staring at this painting becuz it was gorgeous absolutely gorgeous
and the two intellectual men in my presence begin to talk
"is that Pollock?"
"hmmm it might be, I'm not sure"
cut to Julia Roberts saying this is Jackson Pollock.....
"very good!"
I ain't speak yet mind you cuz I was still like ??? who is that?
mind you I'm still kinda proud of myself becuz its like in some part of my subconsciousness I recognised the painting and when he said Pollock I knew who he was talking about but...wow
that's all I have to say
wow
he knows so much and says so many things that I didn't think he'd know
its cool
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
MAN
I am in SUCH a good mood now
I hazard to say that this was the best Kadooment I ever had but it was MILES better than last year (last year I was jumping wid a VERY VERY unexpected visit from Aunt Flo) how bout I ON the Track and I say lemme go to the bathroom!
heart palpitations inna ONE
THIS YEAR
was great
in a costume that was blue, wid BEADS!!!! (yeah so them ain't wanna gi we beads I gine stick them on myself!)
at the front of the truck doing all the flag woman dances!!!
I get hoist up but the stiltmen or ...the moko jumbies as this trini man informed me I was wrong to call them stilt men hehe
and EVEN tho my feet were having spasms and I felt like I mash up my muscles and bones!
it was GREAT
BRILLIANT!
I could SO jump up again today!!!
that is the epitome of greatness tho
with your friends, friendly people having a good time people around you working hard to make sure everyone was happy!
*sigh*
and even tho some people were in another band we were still able to meet up and lime for a bit!
and I went to ALL the fetes!! saw the matrix wuk up and just LOVE it
I love being a west indian!
absolutely LOVE the fact that I can go out feting in a short pants
get paint on me
drink rum and gingers and be out with my friends and just have a blast
(note to self need another word OTHER than blast)
and even tho many people were like the music was ugh
man Come together and that rum song and sugar cane and can't done
all them songs just were great, I mean it wasn't even the music now, I was dancing to anything
and all the music from years before
THAT is what Kadooment is supposed to be like!!!
the only thing that could make this feeling even better
is if I had some food now
or a barbeque!!!
I am in SUCH a good mood now
I hazard to say that this was the best Kadooment I ever had but it was MILES better than last year (last year I was jumping wid a VERY VERY unexpected visit from Aunt Flo) how bout I ON the Track and I say lemme go to the bathroom!
heart palpitations inna ONE
THIS YEAR
was great
in a costume that was blue, wid BEADS!!!! (yeah so them ain't wanna gi we beads I gine stick them on myself!)
at the front of the truck doing all the flag woman dances!!!
I get hoist up but the stiltmen or ...the moko jumbies as this trini man informed me I was wrong to call them stilt men hehe
and EVEN tho my feet were having spasms and I felt like I mash up my muscles and bones!
it was GREAT
BRILLIANT!
I could SO jump up again today!!!
that is the epitome of greatness tho
with your friends, friendly people having a good time people around you working hard to make sure everyone was happy!
*sigh*
and even tho some people were in another band we were still able to meet up and lime for a bit!
and I went to ALL the fetes!! saw the matrix wuk up and just LOVE it
I love being a west indian!
absolutely LOVE the fact that I can go out feting in a short pants
get paint on me
drink rum and gingers and be out with my friends and just have a blast
(note to self need another word OTHER than blast)
and even tho many people were like the music was ugh
man Come together and that rum song and sugar cane and can't done
all them songs just were great, I mean it wasn't even the music now, I was dancing to anything
and all the music from years before
THAT is what Kadooment is supposed to be like!!!
the only thing that could make this feeling even better
is if I had some food now
or a barbeque!!!
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
so today
I was on the set of the Rupee video "tempted to touch" with some video hoes
now to be honest
I dunno their sexual orientation they were very nice girls
the only thing that qualifies them as being hoes is the fact that they been in NUFF videos
its so funny how bajans can push things away
Rupee wanted desperately to have some bajan talent in this shoot but was overruled by his director Hype Williams and the representative from Atlantic Records
and as much as he tried to get bajans involved he gine still get bad minded by the bajans
:"he gets more love in tnt"
is that really true?
are we so anal?
*******
I met a girl who deliberately dresses scanky cuz she likes it
and further more
says that she goes out alone and comes back alone and its the girls who dress all demurely that are the skanks
mind you the girl says all this with her fling batty walk and slack jaw
but on some kinda level I have to understand where she's coming from
anyone who judges how she is cuz of how she dresses is ignorant
but it does beg the question whether how she dresses encourages that line of thought
so you're kinda in a quandry
whatever she wants to do that makes her happy is important
skank or not
I was on the set of the Rupee video "tempted to touch" with some video hoes
now to be honest
I dunno their sexual orientation they were very nice girls
the only thing that qualifies them as being hoes is the fact that they been in NUFF videos
its so funny how bajans can push things away
Rupee wanted desperately to have some bajan talent in this shoot but was overruled by his director Hype Williams and the representative from Atlantic Records
and as much as he tried to get bajans involved he gine still get bad minded by the bajans
:"he gets more love in tnt"
is that really true?
are we so anal?
*******
I met a girl who deliberately dresses scanky cuz she likes it
and further more
says that she goes out alone and comes back alone and its the girls who dress all demurely that are the skanks
mind you the girl says all this with her fling batty walk and slack jaw
but on some kinda level I have to understand where she's coming from
anyone who judges how she is cuz of how she dresses is ignorant
but it does beg the question whether how she dresses encourages that line of thought
so you're kinda in a quandry
whatever she wants to do that makes her happy is important
skank or not
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Don't Stop by Janet Jackson
This is sick
"Attention it's time to dance..."
Chorus Work it like you're working a pole
Shake it 'til you're shaking the floor
Pop it like you're poppin' a cork
Don't Stop, Don't Stop
Jerk it like you're making it choke
Break it like you're breakin' a code
Drop it till you're taking it lower
Drop it, drop it...
This is serious I'm delirious
So oblivious I could dance all night
With you
As long as its funky
This rhythm just makes me high
I'm like a junkie
I could dance all night
Chorus
So intoxicated I'm so stimulated
Feel so X-rated I could dance all night
As long as it's funky
This rhythm just makes me high
I'm like a junkie
I could dance all night
Chorus
Bridge
Everybody on the floor (Let's go)
Let's get hardcore (Get low)
Make my sweat pour (Oh no)
Don't stop (Gimme some more)
Ooh my body's yours (spank that)
Spank that back door (like that)
Drive me like a Porsche' (yea)
I could dance all night
Can we take this party higher?
Now just put your hands to the sky and
Clap, clap, clap, clap
I could dance all night
Chorus (repeat) Repeat Chorus
This is sick
"Attention it's time to dance..."
Chorus Work it like you're working a pole
Shake it 'til you're shaking the floor
Pop it like you're poppin' a cork
Don't Stop, Don't Stop
Jerk it like you're making it choke
Break it like you're breakin' a code
Drop it till you're taking it lower
Drop it, drop it...
This is serious I'm delirious
So oblivious I could dance all night
With you
As long as its funky
This rhythm just makes me high
I'm like a junkie
I could dance all night
Chorus
So intoxicated I'm so stimulated
Feel so X-rated I could dance all night
As long as it's funky
This rhythm just makes me high
I'm like a junkie
I could dance all night
Chorus
Bridge
Everybody on the floor (Let's go)
Let's get hardcore (Get low)
Make my sweat pour (Oh no)
Don't stop (Gimme some more)
Ooh my body's yours (spank that)
Spank that back door (like that)
Drive me like a Porsche' (yea)
I could dance all night
Can we take this party higher?
Now just put your hands to the sky and
Clap, clap, clap, clap
I could dance all night
Chorus (repeat) Repeat Chorus
Monday, July 19, 2004
I Don'tby JULIE ANN MALLETT
I don't want to look into your eyes,
You’ll just deceive me with your lies.
I don't want to let you into my heart,
You’ll just tear it all apart.
I don't want to look at you and smile,
You’ll just make me cry after a while.
I don't want to say, "I love you,"
You’ll just laugh and call me a fool.
I don't want to give you any part of me,
Please just leave... and let me be.
*********
so I was in the show the Look on Sunday
I really thought more people could have been there
but I had fun still
not sure if I "tore it up" per se
but I had fun
I was stepping
bitch mode and ting!
****
ok so saturday
my boy calls me to tell me he misses me
this after he cusses me on thursday
somehow I can't help but feeling ... I dunno
used
used is a good word
no apology for how he treated me but he feels that he can call and say he misses me
AND say we should have done the same thing I told him to do that he cussed me for
ARRGH!
I don't care
I do NOT care that he missed me
cuz I'm pretty sure if he had hooked up with some woman he wouldn't have missed me
oh men are so fickle
I don't want to look into your eyes,
You’ll just deceive me with your lies.
I don't want to let you into my heart,
You’ll just tear it all apart.
I don't want to look at you and smile,
You’ll just make me cry after a while.
I don't want to say, "I love you,"
You’ll just laugh and call me a fool.
I don't want to give you any part of me,
Please just leave... and let me be.
*********
so I was in the show the Look on Sunday
I really thought more people could have been there
but I had fun still
not sure if I "tore it up" per se
but I had fun
I was stepping
bitch mode and ting!
****
ok so saturday
my boy calls me to tell me he misses me
this after he cusses me on thursday
somehow I can't help but feeling ... I dunno
used
used is a good word
no apology for how he treated me but he feels that he can call and say he misses me
AND say we should have done the same thing I told him to do that he cussed me for
ARRGH!
I don't care
I do NOT care that he missed me
cuz I'm pretty sure if he had hooked up with some woman he wouldn't have missed me
oh men are so fickle