I know there is a reason why I don't sleep during the day
!

I dreamt that I was writing, I mean really writing had an editor and all, anyway so I was giving him my edits and then I had to leave the room cuz he was interviewing some people
anywho there was this slightly overweight woman and she ran out the room, well not run she hobbled quickly and I couldn't catch up with her
she went in my room, (it seemed to be an apartment kinda thing) anywho she RAN into my room and went into the bathroom and then missed the toilet! and peed on the ground
wtf

*****
yesterday was a weird day
why is it I put so much faith in people and at the same time don't want to
I mean
I don't expect that people will be "bad" but when they prove that they are
its like my whole world is just crumbled
of course I don't let them know that
but the effect that it has on me is just I dunno
it shouldn't have such an effect but it does

to come to think of it even tho I expect certain actions from men so to speak
it still upsets me when they do
its like the realisation that you don't have anyone to depend on
is really a scary thing
of course not that I think anyone should DEPEND on anyone per se
all that jazz about being independent and looking out for yourself and being born alone still is true
but sometimes I mean you just would like someone to take care of things when you really in need it


here are two songs that are beginning to grow on me

" This Love "
Maroon 5
( Songs About Jane )



I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure on her hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do




" Harder To Breathe "
Maroon 5
( Songs About Jane )



How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to funkin' tread the ground I'm walking on

When it gets cold outside and I got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did


When it gets cold outside and I got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

is it so hard for people to be honest
completely honest with people
and not just arbitrary people
but I mean someone that you would put just slightly over the rest
I mean hell why can't people just be honest all the time?
there wouldn't be trust issues if everyone was honest!

whooo
one more exam!

my granny had surgery on her eye today
I mean that is messed up
anytime I think bout it I'm just like AY eyes watering

*****

right just to CLARIFY!
yes SAMANTHA IS THE HO on sex and the city
but that is NOT how I feel analogous to her!

I am not a ho despite what some other evidently more informed people would think
cha den you'se hear tings bout ya self and be like
WHEN did I have the time to do that?
caw blen if I coulda been doing all of that I coulda real take that extra time to study for equitable remedies!

but still the same Samantha is wicked to no end
my idol!
:D

*******
I like the fact that the people who know me, know that I'm cool and safe and genuine,
I feel proud that I've lived my way a certain way and have morals and principles YET still could have fun

I think I should record this day, cuz alot of times people don't always feel too proud of themselves and to be honest that's really sad, I think you should always be proud of yourself at LEAST I mean yeah every so often you do shite but at the end of the day you have to be able to realise it was shite and try to make amends

*sigh* yes I love myself :) its great
I love being me

and I wouldn't change for anything

I swear I have hit the ranks of superstar status!
pplz just have shit to say!