why do people seem to be interested in you
and then
all of a sudden act like they aren't interested?

I mean why do people do that?

my biggest problem with humankind is that people aren't honest with themselves or other people

how much easier would life be if people were just upfront all the time

I'm proud of myself
I'm having one of those moments when I say girl I'm glad I'm me!
:D

I went to see shrek 2 today all I have to say is I LOVE the cat!

****
I think one of the most important things for me is a guy who can communicate with me
who I can understand and talk to and he can answer me back
it is a COMPLETE turnoff to KNOW a guy wants something and doesn't know how to ask for it or get it

I can't really explain how I'm feeling
a kinda fuckup kinda way but not really

****
so Trench is here
plus new gfriend
cool cool I can handle that
I can be the big person and actually I am happy to know that he's happy
becuz genuinely I want people to be happy
I don't hate the man
I mean how could I? I dunno how you could hate someone that you were close to etc
but anyway I guess no one ever feels "happy" when the new gfriend is shite

hehe ok I take that back
she seems to be a very nice girl
how do I know her?
no no he didn't introduce me
home girl introduced herself!

hear tune! I'm at the kendal stage and I notice a familiar looking (yet generic hat it was the brand I remembered not a specific hat)
anywho I was speaking to this girl about a t-shirt they could buy and I realised she was not from here

and so I said are you supporting the jamtown team?
yep
cool cool
to make a long story short when I asked who else was here (since I knew alot of them since I was going out with the man)
she said I dunno who you know, THO you MET ALOT OF PEOPLE WHEN YOU WERE THERE IN JUNE
(note the woman asked me if I saw him since he's been here as in face to face BEFORE she let it slide that she knew who I was)

so I stopped for a sec
shades on so my eyes ain't really bulge

she said this twice so I said
I'm sorry but do I know you?

no no but I know you're Trench's ex

Rhaaaatid

so I was like ok and I guess you're his current gfriend?

now I have to admit de girl was brave to step up to me so
I mean I'm not hating anyone but protocol dictates if you de current woman - be introduced
anywho being the cool person I am :)
I spoke with her and had no probs (limed wid her inadvertantly for most of the day, I mean I knew all his friends so I was chilling wid them and she kept coming to lime)
to be honest for a SECOND I had felt like saying, "wow this is kinda weird but I appreciate that you're such a nice person and I can speak to you civilly" no no I have no grudges but you know how women can get (other women that is)

BUT
HOMEGIRL start up (later in the day) about how she and Trench WILL not be going to Barbados for a honeymoon (I ain't see a fucking ring)

and FURTHER when I was showing someone his car she gine say "YES I am the current girlfriend" (uhhhh biatch was I talking to you?)

WOW
I was like
CACKLE!
I couldn't hold it back
I was in shock


I dunno
I guess I would have had issues seeing him
as I haven't seen him since we broke up an' all
so there was bound to be fuck up feelings
but shite
this girl just got me feeling like I dunno
I really dunno

I hate this feeling tho becuz I mean yes I know its natural to feel stupid but I was able to let that stupid feeling slide an' chalk it up to human nature

YET
I feel like I shouldn't even be giving this shite hole a second look
ESPECIALLY wid the attitude homegirl giving me

its probably insecurity (if she had kept up the tirade that she was cool wid meeting me and not at all insecure I woulda felt better cuz to be honest de spiteful side in me feeling I would risk something JUST to see what would happen since she sooooooooo nervous around me)
but I won't that is demeaning and stupid and would encourage SHITE

I feel bad too oddly enough becuz while it is kinda an ego trip to know that I intimidating the girl at the end of the day she has him (not that I want him back or anything) and I have no interest in getting him back - a part of me still feels a little twinge knowing that this girl
who I see as being insecure, quiet, plain (I would put de girl at 15) short VERY sheltered
is the girl that he wants to go out with

now for a little self reflection cuz he isn't the first ex to go for that type of girl (on the outset she could be a freak too ya neva know nowadays)

is there something wrong with me that makes my ex's RUN from me?

I asked that question kinda rhetorically but got an answer from an unlikely source

"well you know you're the bomb so a guy could never do better than you"

hehe
while that is VERY egotistical and ignorant to believe

it made me feel just that much better