well yesterday was a day of highs and lows
one of the most awful being that my aunt who was only recently diagnosed with breast cancer (like 3 weeks ago) died yesterday
we're not sure if it was the cancer she succumbed to or the medicine
my mum went to see her after her mastectomy on wednesday and she was in great spirits
in a great mood
and yesterday she died
and she was in alot of pain too
agony
I dunno really what life is really about sometimes

***

on another level, I went to see love actually
that is a GREAT movie that everyone should see
its a bunch of little stories......the best for me is the story about Sam (the CUTEST little boy I've ever seen) and Karl ( AY PAPI!) Rodrigo Santoro is OFFICIALLY my new soulmate
I am promising myself that I will not go out with any other man unless he is EXACTLY like Karl in the movie

I am OFFICIALLY becoming shallow
he must look like the delicious scrumptious Rodrigo Santoro
he must be gorgeously sweet as Karl was in the movie
LORD help me
if I ever cross his path
raspingy ! I gine throw him on the ground and say huh fuh dat!

****
once again I am astounded by men
I went to Cafe Sol and McBrides with a friend of mine
we were both dressed VERY casually
bummy would be an understatement
no make up
pretty much well covered
YET
all kinda men kept coming up to us and checking us out
so what IS it exactly that men are attracted to?
cuz we women just don't know

so I called trench
I think it was a kind of test for myself
I spoke to him and was ok
he mentioned he was coming to bim next year
what was he hinting

anyway I still care about his welfare, but I realise I don't care
does that make sense?

I maintain men tell lies!
all the time to themselves to their gfriends, wives, families
they can't help it

but I called and I was ok
my heart wasn't aching

why am I still pining over this asshole?
why do I get so involved in people so quickly and so easily

I think I'm sick and I need to get something cut out

:(

I'm torn between wanting to be single...actually needing to be single
and missing the comfort of a special person
I mean friends are great, but when you meet someone who literally touches your soul, friends kinda fall short, know what I mean?

I still am not completely over Trench
as much as I hate saying it
Its amazing how one person without even knowing it can touch you in such a phenomenal way, that when they stop you feel like your life is void of meaning

the terrible thing that I dreaded would happen happened, sorta.....cuz I'm still fighting it

but I'm kinda into my date. BUT I know that is just madness so I'm going to hold it down

he said something to me the other day, and I mean I swear the frigging moment was straight out of a romance novel
hehe
**picture this**
dinner on the deck of a restaurant, with a check table cloth
the waves caressing the underside of the deck,
music of Maxwell in the background....
the girl leans over and sighs resignedly,
"I'll never understand men, ever"
and the guy, leans forward and looks straight into the girls soul, and says
"now....(pregnant pause) why would you want to understand all men..becuz all men are different....what you really need to do is to understand ONE man, and once you understand that one man then you're fine"
angels singing in the background
hehe

I swear parts of life should be in slow motion, like how it is in music video's and movies, so for instance, when you first kiss someone, DEFINITELY in slow motion, with music in the background!
or when you see someone you like in the distance, and they see you, difinitely a slow motion moment
or (and this is a good one) when a guy you like, who likes you, smiles at you (one of those slow warm smiles) you know the kind.

AY!

I think if more men understood how awful a woman feels when she's been disappointed more men would try not to do that to a woman.

the opposite can of course be said for women!

but I'm working with the standpoint that I don't try to be dishonest with men and so therefore I don't fall into the category that cheating women fall into

I was talking with this guy who told me he used to have to be the one who the women in his family would turn to when something in their relationships went wrong

and becuz of that he's tried to be sensitive to women's needs and feelings
and I think that is commendable

so here is a cheers to all the men who are decent genuine men

the ones who try to be decent. the ones who are decent. and the ones who would like to be decent some day keep trying

I've been sitting here for the last however long, trying to think about what I want to write

I don't want to harp about my date, becuz that's the easiest way I will get caught up
and that is NOT something I wanna do

I am MAINTAINING my closed for stocktaking persona
I can't deal with the stress of it
I have well too much work to do
and I can't deal with it

so updating my dating escapade

(which I do not think affects my closed for stocktaking period btw)

anyway so we went to lunch
and checked out the colombian trade show which REALLY was just a whole bunch of made for tv appliances
tho it was cool just TOO many people
bumping into you!
anyway so this guy
is very nice very mature for his age, very very sweet
but at the same time I think wicked is the best word to describe him
**actually I have to admit I believe that a man, should be multi-faceted, have many sides to him, be sweet, and strong, and wicked, and just everything a guy could be, (can you hear the superman music in the back ground!)**

so anyway we conversed on a multitude of topics, everything under the sun, played pool, drank drinks, and you know what was cool, there wasn't really a feeling that he was trying to get in my pants or anything so, it was just cool.