again I shall go on record
A PLAGUE on all people who talk my name and ain't even know that LANI isn't my RASHOLE name!

so we have a little (well HUGE) family war going on here in my house
and to add icing to the cake I leave for Washington on Sunday
it just seems like all the people around me are plagued with anger and rage
petty arguments and insecurities

I need to meet a serene person
someone I can just talk with who has no opinions
no insecurities and who doesn't want anything from me
I can't give any more

I guess honestly now would be one of those life defining moments
will I stand up and face the full brunt of these attacks
or run away and just let them try to sort themselves out

I'm so tired of being put in the middle of it

Boy grandpa
I really miss you
now more than ever
the people in this house just quarrelling quarrelling I remember when you just used to be there
cool
like if nothing bothering you
you wouldn't argue in this petty way
in fact you'd crack a joke
my mother quarrelling, my granny even my aunt
I dunno what to do

they just keep fighting and shouting and I can't stop them and they keep dragging me into it
I don't want to stay home
if I stay home they will drag me into it
I haven't gone to classes, I don't feel motivated
I tried the football thing for a while and now I just don't even want to do that
the moot is next week and I just don't even want to go anymore
I am just so tired

pplz from Sandy lane like they on drugs
call me to do a show for them
and talk bout payment in kind
like Sandy Lane Can't afford to pay me

****
my grandmother has me soooo vex
today is my mother's birthday
and for whatever reason she and my grandmother fighting
I dunno
so now she giving me attitude
what I do? I dunno
then she say she don't want us to speak to her
and now she coming asking me shite
steupse
I HATE that
why the fuck if she and my mother fighting (note my
mother out hear?) I gotta get involved
its like she gotta SUFFER the most......all she saying
is NOBODY thinks about how SHE feels
what the fuck s
she was the only person that lost someone?
steupse
its my mother's frigging birthday
the first one without her father
and my grandmother pick up and go out to lunch with her
friends
and surprised that my mother would be upset
and then trying to "fix" things by asking ME to call my
mother's friends over for tea
she ain't even do it herself
and then now when she gives her some gift and a card
signed only love mummy and my mother starts crying
again she says we ain't taking into consideration how
SHE feeling

Happy birthday mummy

just so when you think everything is going fairly ok
some jackass is say SOME shite to fuck you up!

I really don't understand what it is about women that makes it impossible for them to work together

MEN are just a plague in my side
why they's feel they could lie to you
TALK real ignorance
and when you call them on it
they ain't even have the balls to come clean!

a REAL man would come clean if he was caught in a lie
FURTHER more a REAL man would have no reason to lie to me at all
cuz I would accept his indiscretions on the basis that he was a REAL man!

*****
so I been having stress with this whole trip to washington
not for anything that I don't think I can't handle
but
it's just dealing with people, women to be precise that I having the problem with