oddly enough
the idea of coupledom is not so offensive as it was before

I guess it all depends on the circumstance

I still am not prepared to be in a relationship like that
but I must admit that the thought of it doesn't make my skin crawl as it did before

its actually kinda nice

don't get me wrong I always liked the idea of being a half of a couple
its just my perspective has changed

******

I SAT down in the middle of broadstreet yesterday

haha

there was a fashion show in the middle of broadstreet
I love runway!

a friend of mine got signed to IMG
how cool is that

as from tomorrow I am HOUSESITTING!!

I love housesitting! absolutely LOVE it
they have a pool and such a cool house

*sigh* I can't wait til I get my own place !

guy asks
"I should be in Barbados next week so will I see you"


I don't know
those kinda questions annoy me
will I see you
that's like asking is it going to rain three weeks from now
the only possible answer is I don't know
its a cop out way to ask something
if you want to see me say
Lani
I'm coming xyz day can I take you out to lunch on that day
not
will I see you
steupse

*****

I babysat these two kids today
took them to the wildlife reserve and chefette or rather 'da fete' according to Dan-dan

children are so cool they see things so differently than adults
I wonder when I stopped seeing things like how a child does

I went on a cruise the other day
apart from the men who were bartending
I was the only "black" person on the boat

now I have to admit it was a little odd
(quite easily I could have been older than everyone there too)

it was kind of empowering to know that I had the most rhythm on that vessel :D

*********

so my grandmother suggested
converting the guest room we have into my room
and giving my brother my nicely painted blue room

I know I'm being silly becuz the guest room would give me a little more independence it being slightly apart from the house and all

but I finally got my room how I like it
and to give it up and all

to my 7 year old brother just seems slightly unfair

plus the fact that my furniture won't really fit upstairs
AND the back of the house is kinda I dunno I know I'm being silly but its scary out there
and dark!

but I guess we could make it more secure
but then my brother would have my room!!!!! MY ROOM!
my sanctuary!!!!!

*sigh*
what to do what to do!

******

I went to my old ballet school's prizegiving
just to help out
its good to do random acts of helpfulness every once and a while

:D
I LOVE dancing
I love it

I miss it so much
I think I'm going to go to a dance workshop this evening :D

it is so cool to see a person who looks kinda plain
but when they get on a stage and PERFORM! I mean REALLY perform dance their hearts out
its just wonderful!

I think I'd like to donate a prize for my dance studios prizegiving

I'd call it the personality prize
for the dancer that exudes the most personality whenever they dance

last nite I dreamt about a fella

ok so I was at some fete, ummm not sure exactly where, but anyway I was all about jumping up and doing dixie as per usual
so then there was this plethora of men just walking past apparently I knew them but we (cuz I was liming with a girl, could only be Daana but I'm not sure) were pretty tired and just sitting down

so anyway the guy came over and started talking to me
and I dunno something about him I was just entralled in him I dunno
why

steupse then I woke up

sometimes you have dreams and then you wake up and still kinda feel all nice and stuff from the dream

Suffie
I'm REALLY sorry you think I was being disrespectful
but especially becuz my mother has no idea about this blog I don't think I was being disrespectful
I have no problem speaking the way I did
I was not being disrespectful
and further more the way I handled the situation with her
I think I should be given an award for how I spoke to her
you have know idea what kind of person my mother is
or the kind of issues that she lays on me and my grandmother and my brother

when you have some semblance of an idea of where I'm coming from then you can tell me whether or not I was being disrespectful

with everything that happened this week I forgot to blog how my weekend was
my weekend started on Thursday.. with Berger boys SHORT pants fete
that the pplz refuse to wear shorts....

had a minor exchange with the bane of my existence...who thinks that split personalities are fun

Friday....BAJE!
:)
got painted up and ting! I mean I was worried Baku and all but caw blemma it was burse!

and BARE people that you haven't seen as Daana said, BARE hugs and ting
LOVE it

and two thirds of the hot boys in so it was great

and one thing I have to say people were actually dancing!

that is a problem I've been encountering, when I go out, me and my friends are some of the only people dancing? why you gine pay money to just stand up? I mean you can do that for free in your house?!
I don't get pplz

Saturday
Power X 4 was washed out I'm slightly biased I know!
Moonshine was washed out BUT it wasn't desolate like Power X 4
rain did NOT stop people from jamming people were not standing up afraid to get their imi shoes muddy
and might I say, boatyard is just a place where you can go and be yourself...no body checking

I'm not so into foam, but I have to admit it wasn't bad this time, it didn't have the stifling affect that I would get if I was in say extreme

I ran into some interesting people too
more on that later!


Sunday.....
went to this "pool" party.... the pool was a 7 foot hole with dirty water a WHOLE set of posers or "dibby pplz trying to be bougie"
I mean its true, people like to say that bougie people just pose, but let me tell ya these people ain't MOVE bare statutes in the "fete"
I think its a bajan thing, don't wanna dance, or "free up yourself" as the djs ask them to

and I'm sorry but Old dub just ain't cutting it for me any more
its the same 20 songs just in a different order...
same thing for calypso
is there something wrong with playing MUSIC? not just one genre with a select 15 songs?

as much as Daana knocks it
I like the new dub, with the dances...becuz its not so much about Bad man this or that and its cool seeing people DANCING together rather than just wukking up and getting on skanky

I mean it grates on me to be out and see the proverbial circle gathering around some skitily clad woman who is in the splits on the ground doing god knows what
don't get me wrong
I would go to the dancehall queen show and have fun! them women are talented
but does it have to be EVERYWHERE?


after that went lounging in the gap
again with my Bane
I like liming with fellas well dressed fellas at that!

the highlight of the night (for them at least) was when this 19 year old guy came and sat down next to me (when I was next to two guys mind you)
so I have to say he was kinda brave
I shot him down easy (him being 2 feet shorter than me and all)

but I hadda draw the line when he asked me if my boyfriend minds if I dance with other people (a very loaded question to find out if I had a boyfriend or not)
SO I hadda do the whole
oh THIS is my boyfriend you wanna ask him yourself???

not that I wanna lie to someone but I just really wasnt about the hassle of having to say no I don't have a boyfriend and hear the multitude of questions that could ensue

so I copped out and said my bane was my man
*shakes head*
I know this will come to bite me in the ass!

its amazing how much one person can be a BITCH
and just fuck up your day with a few carefully placed malappropisms


no matter how hard I try
my mother will CONTINUE to piss me off

she called me on my cell phone to bitch about me using her towel
HER TOWEL
a crime I was innocent of mind you !
steupse

and has been PICKING and PICKING at my grandmother and has been complaining about my puppy Gin, mind you I've done everything I was supposed to do...clean up after him, feed him but NO she has to have it her fucking way and get on like a johnnie

****

it is not fun getting cussed for something you are TOTALLY innocent of
not at all!

D: i am going to ask my friend from new york to join me... for the wedding in bim
me: N? whoooo that sounds serious
D:yeah.... I spoke to her, she seems to like the idea
me: careful you're inviting her to meet your family at a WEDDING she may think you guys are planning something!!!!
D: wow... didn't see it like that
me: yes men never do of course she liked the idea
D: I just would hate being there date less.... so I thought that would be smart
me: haha men look for a quick fix never see the whole picture
D: I sure didn't see that one coming It's too late though, cause I already ask... would look bad if I go say something now
sent her money for her outfit and everything
me: I mean it would be mean if you don't really feel that way about her to be serious about her cuz that is some SERIOUS hints

D: see I need a woman
me:you don't need a woman you're a big man you can do things yourself its not fair of you to do that to her you're just using her
me: you don't want to be lonely so you called her you can't be bothered to buy your own clothes so you got her doing that for you
that is very cruel and very mean
me:good grief what kinda games you trying to do to the girl
its men like you that make me sick frig with women's heads
and turn them into psychos
d:
yeah I had a few of those so u think it was me
me:I don't deny there are psycho women but I really do think that the men encourage that kinda behavious not intentionally sometimes
but more often than not its that back and forth mixed signals shit that mess with women's heads
D: true well i hope she doesn't

"so if i was to ask u to go out wid me so i could get to kno u better wha would u say?"

what kinda fucking question is that?
that ranks up there in stupidity with the

so if I asked you for your number you would give me?

or

if I were to call you you would talk to me?

grow some balls man
man up
ask a question take a risk
these iffy questions are STUPID

ok
so why the fuck you'se got these women who are just so insecure that they feel they have to let all and sundry know "YES I have a boyfriend!!! yay for me"

steupse

it seems to be a psychosis the "former gfriend illness"

picture this

current gf, boyfriend and me liming (sorta) I am the ex, from two years
been there wrote the book bought the t-shirt

my girl cgf has to parade the fact that she is the girlfriend
me...I teaching her how to play dominoes, no malice, really nice to her
and what do I get? "OOOOH baby....I have to gi' you a kissy wissy bcuz I hurt your feely weelings??"

what the hell

steupse
again I say
I could drop the catty former gfriend routine but that is so not like me
but why they have to instigate uh?? why

ok so I spent the morning running errands with my granny
got the shock of my life to see I passed the exam I thought I failed.....
AND I got a little blast from the past

ran into this guy who I was interested in back in the day.....
now for the life of me I can't remember WHY we didn't hook up....I know there must have been SOMETHING but I can't remember

one thing I remember this fella was into poetry and words...he had a very soothing voice and I remember one conversation he gave me a massage over the phone (hehe)
its funny how you meet someone and say wow they are NOT for me
but then meet them years later and say...now what was wrong with them?

he probably has a gfriend now, cuz he is definitely cute, really nice smile educated, motivated (he works for himself) and just an all round nice fella.......

what the hell was I thinking?? why didn't we get together?? I may have to confer with my committee

so I had a pretty interesting and invigourating nite last nite

someone got fired at work and it was PANDEMONIA
steupse
Lani was NOT getting in that at all

I kept quiet and only really freaked out when I broke a glass
:'(

other than that I'd say it was a cool nite
went to hlights and saw in my baby brother's birthday!!!
:D

then I just chilled for the rest of the nite

its really cool when you have good people around you its as if you can feel the healing powers they exude
I love it
I wonder if I have that same effect on other people too
I hope I do because its a great feeling

of late I've been getting these phone calls from an ex from back in the day
now I try not to be mean or unkind to my exes...thing is I REALLY don't trust this guy

that is bad seems as though I'm going against my resolution not to make assumptions of pplz

BUT judging from the fact that we broke up mainly cuz he wanted me to do things I didn't want to do .... AND the fact that he has a psychotic ex gfriend (more and more I think that when there's a psycho ex girl, the man had more to do with her condition than he lets on) makes me think that when he calls to "chill" he's up to no good

apart from that
he and I are REALLY different and have very little in common (yes not a good reason to diss the man) and it makes me think that hanging out with him would be very uncomfortable, with him probing into my bizness!

Summertime,
And the livin' is easy
Fish are jumpin'
And the cotton is high

Your daddy's rich
And your mamma's good lookin'
So hush little baby
Don't you cry

One of these mornings
You're going to rise up singing
Then you'll spread your wings
And you'll take to the sky

But till that morning
There's a'nothing can harm you
With daddy and mamma standing by

Summertime,
And the livin' is easy
Fish are jumpin'
And the cotton is high

Your daddy's rich
And your mamma's good lookin'
So hush little baby
Don't you cry

Hee-hee!
Ooh!
Go on girl!
Aaow!

Hey pretty baby with the
High heels on
You give me fever
Like I’ve never, ever known
You’re just a product of
Loveliness
I like the groove of
Your walk,
Your talk, your dress
I feel your fever
From miles around
I’ll pick you up in my car and we’ll paint the town
Just kiss me baby
And tell me twice
That you’re the one for me

The way you make me feel
(the way you make me feel)
You really turn me on
(you really turn me on)
You knock me off of my feet
(you knock me off of
My feet)
My lonely days are gone
(my lonely days are gone)

I like the feelin’ you’re
Givin’ me
Just hold me baby and i’m
In ecstasy
Oh I’ll be workin’ from nine
To five
To buy you things to keep
You by my side
I never felt so in love before
Just promise baby, you’ll
Love me forevermore
I swear I’m keepin’ you
Satisfied
’cause you’re the one for me
The way you make me feel
(the way you make me feel)
You really turn me on
(you really turn me on)
You knock me off of my feet
Now baby-hee!
(you knock me off of
My feet)
My lonely days are gone-
A-acha-acha
(my lonely days are gone)
Acha-ooh!

Go on girl!
Go on! hee! hee! aaow!
Go on girl!

I never felt so in love before
Promise baby, you’ll love me
Forevermore
I swear I’m keepin’ you
Satisfied
’cause you’re the one for
Me . . .

The way you make me feel
(the way you make me feel)
You really turn me on
(you really turn me on)
You knock me off of my feet
Now baby-hee!
(you knock me off of
My feet)
My lonely days are gone
(my lonely days are gone)

The way you make me feel
(the way you make me feel)
You really turn me on
(you really turn me on)
You knock me off of my feet
Now baby-hee!
(you knock me off of
My feet)
My lonely days are gone
(my lonely days are gone)

Ain’t nobody’s business,
Ain’t nobody’s business
(the way you make me feel)
Ain’t nobody’s business,
Ain’t nobody’s business but
Mine and my baby
(you really turn me on)
Hee hee!
(you knock me off of
My feet)
Hee hee! ooh!
(my lonely days are gone)

Give it to me-give me
Some time
(the way you make me feel)
Come on be my girl-i wanna
Be with mine
(you really turn me on)
Ain’t nobody’s business-
(you knock me off of
My feet)
Ain’t nobody’s business but
Mine and my baby’s
Go on girl! aaow!
(my lonely days are gone)

Hee hee! aaow!
Chika-chika
Chika-chika-chika
Go on girl!-hee hee!
(the way you make me feel)
Hee hee hee!
(you really turn me on)
(you knock me off my feet)
(my lonely days are gone)

(the way you make me feel)
(you really turn me on)
(you knock me off my feet)
(my lonely days are gone)

I love sex and the city
its such an interesting series
I'm this close to buying the dvds

****
lord he's making me out to sound like I was just under his skin
to be honest I really don't want to talk to him
I'm not going to be mean or anything
but he was kinda hurtful
and I don't need that he making me sound like some little girl
that he hadda shoo off what the fuck is up with that?
and I know it wasn't like that AT ALL
I mean all the things he was accusing me of he was equally guilty of too

that is just shite
don't try to make it seem like I'm doing mess and you're not doing anything either

the male species is delusional
always reverting to the use of the word clingy FAR too fucking fast
I mean I was distressed
I hadda sit back and rationalise did I REALLY get on like how he was saying I did??
steupse
I know I didn't
I don't WANT a fucking relationship
for what to deal with that fucking stress???
NO
I don't want it!

I slept for the WHOLE day

I REALLY don't know how that was possible!
***

so here's the deal
got this guy who is trying very hard to chat me up
but not in a way I like
as if he's only interested in me physically so I really not feeling him

on a whole he is a very nice guy but the problem is he seems to be fixated on physical aspects of me

I mean I would like someone who appreciates me for all of me not just the tangible parts

and I mean not that I'm sentimental (well I guess I am) but it would be nice to hang with someone and not have this expectation that they gine get some looming over the conversation

what's wrong with just liming uh? watching a movie and just talking?

*shakes head*
I don't get it
is that too much to ask

so I was awoken around 7 this morning to look at a dot on the sun

funny thing is we couldn't actually look at the sun since we didn't have the right apparatus and risk blindness
so we watched it on tv

*rolling eyes*

technology man apparently hasn't reached my grandmother yet

I have a gift voucher from dingolay
so I think I'm going to go out today and look for some new shoes
the temptation to stay home and watch dvds is HUGE
but I think I need to go out and see some pplz
I think I'm getting pasty (that is of course after my nice tan peeled off leaving only my shoulders tanned so I look like I have some rare skin problem!


the thing is
I really love staying home and chatting with my friends who are away online
I mean it sounds kinda geeky yes
but to be honest a great majority of my friends live overseas and to be able to speak to them is GREAT