so I went to see the passion of the christ
'parently Satan (yes he stars a role in there) is played by a female actor
now

one may ask
WHY?

there is no actor for God (obviously) but there is a scene where Satan and Mary (Jesus' mum) kinda square off across the street....
I wonder if he (Mel Gibson) deliberately picked a female actor (trust me she don't look or sound female) to play Satan to be the antithesis of the Mother Mary......

yesterday was St. Paddy's day
had very limited green on
but clearly it was enough
hehe

*****
its really amazing how you would know someone and not necessarily look at them a certain way....but given the right light...and alcohol content its like the blinds in your eyes are opened and you realise

wow when they smile it lights up their whole face and their teeth are actually kinda appealing

hehe

*****

I think if I meet a guy
who puts his hands on me in a way that I've thought about
if he does it the right way
caw blen I dunno what I would do .....

FOR that REASON I am not going to expound on the way I want a guy to put his hands on me I do remember this is a public forum

note well this is PURELY unsexual
this is just in everyday touching nothing sexual about it AT all

a simple hand placed on a certain body part in public is very exciting and intimate
:)

the bachelorette is AMAZING
RAS

dis woman got like 50 men fawning over her
heheheheh

and then she has to choose

see this shit is perpetuating the lie,
a man will say ANYTHING to get the woman to do what he wants
and they gine do anything and say anything and when she does decide to pick one

you could BEST be sure that he gine do some shite and cheat on her or some fuckery!

we had a promo up in St Lucy

and it was us and the guiness girls

and this St. Lucy girl like she was jealous that a fella was talking to a guiness girl for more than five seconds

and BURN de girl in her face with a cigarette

now
WHAT the fuck is that?

what is it about women that makes them so inherently insecure?
is it just being a caribbean woman?
is it society?
is it the men?
or do the women do it to themselves???

so I had a hiatus cuz the adsl was down
LOORD dial up is slow!

***
so you know how pplz say "man I could NEVA be gay." cuz they find it gross or wrong etc etc
WELL

I KNOW I COULD NEVER BE GAY (bear in mind I have NO problem with Gay people, some of my coolest friends are gay....but as for me CANNOT deal with the stress of women!)

women like they CANNOT work together

at all! too damn petty!


hehe
that an' the fact that I like men too much
I have a healthy appreciation for the opposite sex
and when I meet my real man caw blen I gine put it ALL on he!
hehe

right so alcohol is the devil!
easily!

I am SICK and tired of people trying to get me to model for them for free
what the hell!
they get income from my pictures if they are used for the ads why can't they understand that that's only fair

hear this this photographer woman
now aside for the fact that she's a teensy bit psycho
ANYTIME she wants to take pictures of me she wants me to do it for free
now I have BIG problems with that
I'm taking my time and energy to give her pictures (and despite what people think, taking good pictures is hard)
and then she wants me to do my OWN makeup
now I am NOT a makeup artist, and further, it is VERY important that the makeup looks good in a picture especially for an ad since it can make or break it
and this is a woman who is white, and REASONS that HER foundation, could work for me since SHE and I are about the same colour

*ahem* I thought photographers should have a good eye


anyway so I was supposed to do a shoot with her today, for this jewellry lady,
who despite the fact that she sells one piece for $400 US has no money and asked if she could pay me in kind, I don't mind that too much, but I would really prefer to have money.

so long story short couldn't make the shoot this morning cuz I was kinda sick (more details later) and had to rescheduled

de woman calls me and I apologise
cool everyting works out
she calls me AGAIN
to ask if I can do the shoot tomorrow
so Tomorrow I have a job (as in actual payment for work)
de woman reason I should cancel the paying job
since I gine get more out of the shoot with her

1. she pun crack??


she's always want to know what other work I'm doing too
like if I had another shoot, she wanna know who and what it for and all kinda shite

it seems as tho she thinks she's DOING me a fav by doing these shots for me and the LEAST I could do is take no payment
steupse
men is take pictures of you and reason they gine pay ya $150 and other shite money NOT even the same day mind you
rashole WEEKS after you did the shoot

I mean just the other day I had a shoot with a REAL photographer and the pics look damn good too


steupse that woman reason that she can't do a shoot too early
(for her 9 am is early mind you)
and when I suggested we do this shoot on Saturday morning
she reason that
THEY go out Friday nite and can't wake up til 2 on a saturday
ha

my woman I had a shoot and had to GET there to start makeup at 2 in the am
steupse

this woman is uncommitted and a travesty to the art of Photography

is there something so wrong in expecting to be treated like a lady?

I mean I always say "people will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated" I think this should be my mantra
and I really can't be upset if I allow someone to treat me in a way I don't like
but
why can't someone see that they way they are trying to treat me
is not how they would want to be treated

why is it men have a way of minimising EVERYTHING down to sex?????
I swear if they could they would be in a constant state of copulation
some men just everything is sex
its QUITE gross
very unappealing
and an INSTANT turn off

kudos to the guys who take me out for lunch or dinner, with NO expectations of anything
just to feed me

its like they need to be re-trained in the art of treating women

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I really hate unmannerly bitchy girls
why the fuck does she have to get on like that?
what did I ever do to her?
I mean I'm nice to her decent
and she gets on like a cunt

at least I don't have to see her for much longer and I can limit my interaction with her to just passing but CAW blen why does she have to be so rude???

***

*I know it may sound really superficial
but when a guy who "claims" to be interested
can't even remember my name
or where he met me
INSTANT deduction of points
you my man are operating with negative points at this point

imagine this
a guy met me in a club months ago
seemingly forgot what I look like and then sees me again
so I say hiya I thought you forgot me
welllllll he did
man reason my name is Laura..no wait Lucy
THEN reason he met me in the wrong club
after a while was trying to work up the nerve to ask for my number
HELL NO come again when you remember my name

I think for now.....as lonely as I am......I'm better off being single
men are far too much stress and I don't understand them enough
so I'll take my time getting to know the little idiosyncracies first
then apply them to my Rodrigo Santoro look-alike bfriend (aka my real man)

I was feeling bored so I made myself an apple pie

today was a fun day
started off with dancing for gold cup
then dinner with a whole bunch of women
then smirnoff promos at Boatyard..nuff dancing and Calypso!!
and that's it
hehe

there's something great about being able to lime with a bunch of people and just talk shite
I mean its great
I hate to think of the day when I won't be able to do that

oh let me always have time for shite talk

I fear that burn may no longer be talking to me
*sigh* ah feel I pissed him off something stupid
and that really wasn't my intention
I guess I'll let him simmer for a bit

so there's another guy
let's call him Scottie
now Scottie and I are friends
good friends
liming partners
always wanting me to hook him up with my friends
no prob I'll be happy to oblige
but every so often Scottie is come with some kinda idle chat like he wanna be more than friends

hmph
now I get reeled into that little game men play
how they want you till you want them back
so I ain't even looking in his direction wid dem pink heart shaped glasses
I like this friendship ting too much for now

but it is amusing how these little subtle hints come down all the time
like how I'm in a class of my own
and too cute I gotta hook him up with my niceness
hmmph

I am not impressed
just another way men do these little tricks on ya
and then when ya want them
shi-te
NO where to be found

I smarter than that
I tell ya
ah CLOSED for STOCK taking!

for right now I feel like something or rather someone is lacking in my life
its hard to put a finger on how I'm feeling
and even harder to figure out how to make it stop
but its like I'm sitting down just watching life pass me by (sounds like lyrics yes I know)
and any attempt I have to try to get up and join in
its like something inside me is like ahhhhh Lani just chill nuh
and when I do say nah I doing something today.....its like everything is against me

the law library ain't see me at all this semester
time winding down til exams
got this international moot to prepare for

things just piling up and I can see them piling up
but I really just don't care

*******

you ever do something and just the second you did it think to your self
wait I was on drugs just now??

so I was goal keeping today
I was kinda impressed with myself
my grandpa was a goalkeeper when he was in his 20's
he had a nickname
mosquito
hehe

.............................

you know there's nothing more exhilirating than spending time with someone that you like
I mean real like
its been a while since I could do that

all that first kiss jazz
:)
its great

not that that has been happening for me
I just reminiscing

I like snuggling up with fellas (not just any fella) but a guy you like
I like how guys smell
when they put their arm around you

not for any reason
you could just be talking in a group and they put their arm around you just becuz
its great

ahhhhh I wish I could meet my real man

so I replied to him
basically telling him about my grandpa's death and the effect it had on me
is still having on me

and I sent a pic

you know the man only responded

"still looking fine as ever"

wtf

I mean
thanks Trench
thanks for reminding me that YOU are NOT the man for me

I sorry
I am not being picky but the right man for me would KNOW that giving me a compliment (that I don't need) when I talking about something important to me
is NOT the way to go with me

the Real Man would ask me if I'm ok, if I wanted to talk about it, and would know when to back off!

is that too much to ask?

is it too much to ask that a guy be a teensy weensy bit original too?

I tell ya
more and more I'm realising that originality in men is very scarce

OH real man.....I know you're out there somewhere
probably saying where are all the real women?
where are the girls who have a sense of humour and sense of morals
who can dress up nice on a Saturday, but still go play football with the men on Sunday
the women who are multi-faceted and got their shit together!!!!

it's ok babes
we gine link up in a while I promise

:)

so today is Trench's bday
and as much as I'd like to be like frig him and not even remember
I can't do that
I still remember all my ex's birthdays........
anyway so I wrote him a very diplomatic email (not even a card)

hiya
just dropping you a line to wish you happy birthday
hope you're having a great day

tata

Lani

so then he replies
(short to uh?)

Thank you very much for the birthday wish. My mind ran on you the other
day. How are you doing? How is school? What is new? We are preparing for
another race this weekend. Came second in the first one to Gary Gregg.
Trying to beat him as he is on fire this year. Again thanks for the well
wishes... included a pic of what I look like now.. Not very different
from before..

Trench

ahhhhhhhhhh

bollocks!
I still feel a little odd..........getting a message from him
but whatever

moving on moving on

I never understand why pplz gotta lie
and lie stupid too you know
the thing is why would you want to make an enemy of a person that you just met?

every person you meet is an opportunity
but lord some pplz like they just don't get it

oh lord help me !
I don't know what I'm going to do

MY CAR RADIO IS BROKEN!!!!!

bejeesus

AYYYYYYY!!!

how will I survive??

every day there's just more info adding to the fact that I can't deal with men
men are just funny to all hell

I tell ya
when (and I will meet him) I meet a real man
cha I gine have a party b
jubilation in the streets

its so funny when you meet someone who is JUST not for you
its like your auras are in COMPLETE conflict with one another
but for the sake of humanity
you're nice
but LORD
the person just with EVERY frigging WORD gets UNDER YOUR SKIN
its even WORSE when you have to live with this person

I miss my grandpa

I really do

its like I forget that he's not here

last nite I was dreaming about him and I started crying in my dream
and when I woke up I was crying too

I've been having strange dreams about him since he died

the other night I was out with my friend and its like I just get a wave of sadness and I can't help but start to cry

I don't want to cry cuz it just seems silly its not going to accomplish anything

why do people put themselves in situations where they are responsible for other people and then try to put it on someone else?

why do people have children if they aren't prepared to deal with everything?