today was a fun day
started off with dancing for gold cup
then dinner with a whole bunch of women
then smirnoff promos at Boatyard..nuff dancing and Calypso!!
and that's it
hehe

there's something great about being able to lime with a bunch of people and just talk shite
I mean its great
I hate to think of the day when I won't be able to do that

oh let me always have time for shite talk

I fear that burn may no longer be talking to me
*sigh* ah feel I pissed him off something stupid
and that really wasn't my intention
I guess I'll let him simmer for a bit

so there's another guy
let's call him Scottie
now Scottie and I are friends
good friends
liming partners
always wanting me to hook him up with my friends
no prob I'll be happy to oblige
but every so often Scottie is come with some kinda idle chat like he wanna be more than friends

hmph
now I get reeled into that little game men play
how they want you till you want them back
so I ain't even looking in his direction wid dem pink heart shaped glasses
I like this friendship ting too much for now

but it is amusing how these little subtle hints come down all the time
like how I'm in a class of my own
and too cute I gotta hook him up with my niceness
hmmph

I am not impressed
just another way men do these little tricks on ya
and then when ya want them
shi-te
NO where to be found

I smarter than that
I tell ya
ah CLOSED for STOCK taking!

for right now I feel like something or rather someone is lacking in my life
its hard to put a finger on how I'm feeling
and even harder to figure out how to make it stop
but its like I'm sitting down just watching life pass me by (sounds like lyrics yes I know)
and any attempt I have to try to get up and join in
its like something inside me is like ahhhhh Lani just chill nuh
and when I do say nah I doing something today.....its like everything is against me

the law library ain't see me at all this semester
time winding down til exams
got this international moot to prepare for

things just piling up and I can see them piling up
but I really just don't care

*******

you ever do something and just the second you did it think to your self
wait I was on drugs just now??

so I was goal keeping today
I was kinda impressed with myself
my grandpa was a goalkeeper when he was in his 20's
he had a nickname
mosquito
hehe

.............................

you know there's nothing more exhilirating than spending time with someone that you like
I mean real like
its been a while since I could do that

all that first kiss jazz
:)
its great

not that that has been happening for me
I just reminiscing

I like snuggling up with fellas (not just any fella) but a guy you like
I like how guys smell
when they put their arm around you

not for any reason
you could just be talking in a group and they put their arm around you just becuz
its great

ahhhhh I wish I could meet my real man

so I replied to him
basically telling him about my grandpa's death and the effect it had on me
is still having on me

and I sent a pic

you know the man only responded

"still looking fine as ever"

wtf

I mean
thanks Trench
thanks for reminding me that YOU are NOT the man for me

I sorry
I am not being picky but the right man for me would KNOW that giving me a compliment (that I don't need) when I talking about something important to me
is NOT the way to go with me

the Real Man would ask me if I'm ok, if I wanted to talk about it, and would know when to back off!

is that too much to ask?

is it too much to ask that a guy be a teensy weensy bit original too?

I tell ya
more and more I'm realising that originality in men is very scarce

OH real man.....I know you're out there somewhere
probably saying where are all the real women?
where are the girls who have a sense of humour and sense of morals
who can dress up nice on a Saturday, but still go play football with the men on Sunday
the women who are multi-faceted and got their shit together!!!!

it's ok babes
we gine link up in a while I promise

:)

so today is Trench's bday
and as much as I'd like to be like frig him and not even remember
I can't do that
I still remember all my ex's birthdays........
anyway so I wrote him a very diplomatic email (not even a card)

hiya
just dropping you a line to wish you happy birthday
hope you're having a great day

tata

Lani

so then he replies
(short to uh?)

Thank you very much for the birthday wish. My mind ran on you the other
day. How are you doing? How is school? What is new? We are preparing for
another race this weekend. Came second in the first one to Gary Gregg.
Trying to beat him as he is on fire this year. Again thanks for the well
wishes... included a pic of what I look like now.. Not very different
from before..

Trench

ahhhhhhhhhh

bollocks!
I still feel a little odd..........getting a message from him
but whatever

moving on moving on

I never understand why pplz gotta lie
and lie stupid too you know
the thing is why would you want to make an enemy of a person that you just met?

every person you meet is an opportunity
but lord some pplz like they just don't get it

oh lord help me !
I don't know what I'm going to do

MY CAR RADIO IS BROKEN!!!!!

bejeesus

AYYYYYYY!!!

how will I survive??

every day there's just more info adding to the fact that I can't deal with men
men are just funny to all hell

I tell ya
when (and I will meet him) I meet a real man
cha I gine have a party b
jubilation in the streets

its so funny when you meet someone who is JUST not for you
its like your auras are in COMPLETE conflict with one another
but for the sake of humanity
you're nice
but LORD
the person just with EVERY frigging WORD gets UNDER YOUR SKIN
its even WORSE when you have to live with this person

I miss my grandpa

I really do

its like I forget that he's not here

last nite I was dreaming about him and I started crying in my dream
and when I woke up I was crying too

I've been having strange dreams about him since he died

the other night I was out with my friend and its like I just get a wave of sadness and I can't help but start to cry

I don't want to cry cuz it just seems silly its not going to accomplish anything

why do people put themselves in situations where they are responsible for other people and then try to put it on someone else?

why do people have children if they aren't prepared to deal with everything?

there's something about toe nail polish that I love
I love how my toe-sies look with a splash a colour

*****

for Valentine's day I'm hanging with my girl Daana
:)
we gine learn the finer art of rolling our tummies !

I got my self one v-day card
and it was one of those unromantic funny cards

which was probably the best thing I could have gotten
I rather get a cute unromantic card from someone so that I know that they thought of me
than to get one that is filled with all kinda mushy shit that is meaningless

people can talk and talk and say ANYTHING
for me its better to say nothing than to lie

*****

you!
I was reading my previous blogs
and last year my life was pretty exciting!!!

cha I boring

Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5 is a song that just speaks to me

"is there anyone out there cuz its getting harder and harder to breathe!"

I think I'm sick again
ick!

ok Beta Beti is a cute song
:)


I'm beginning to think no body reads my blog
*sigh* things are sad when no one reads your online diary
hehehe

I have a class right now
but I tell ya I REALLY not able to go to the pplz's class
cha

more and more I realise that my relationships have changed me
or at least I've become a little jaded!
I am VERY reluctant to tell someone that I like them
before I wouldn't have a problem with saying it but now
nah gotta pry that shit outta me with a crowbar!

the people at Cable and Wireless are just
I dunno

today is three weeks since my grandpa died
and they called about the phone bill
I mean we had REAL pplz to call from overseas

anyway so my mum answers the phone and they are like may I speak to Harold Forde
my mum: Dr. Forde died last month
C&W: oh, I'm sorry, well who's taking care of the bill now that he's Dead

I mean
GEEZ ON!!!
no kinda compassion at all!

I officially am ignoring V-day
just to go on record
I'm not going to be celebrating it in any shape or form
but I'm not going to make myself miserable about it either

its been 4 months since I've been stocktaking
and so far its cool
there have been some pplz who've tried to get in EVEN after seeing the CLOSED sign
but whatever
I'm not a complete recluse I still don't mind company
but that's all!

men trying (trying real hard mind you) to get me caught up in them
for what
so they can go cheat on me and then what?
*sigh*
there is ONE shining example in men to date
ONE
JUST ONE!!!

ok well I lie maybe more than one
there are a couple a good men
but I dunno they have some strange set backs

anyway
I can't be bothered
back to my one shining example

let's call him BURN

now Burn is a SWEET guy, a nerd, very VERY good looking guy
but like most guys met a real fucked up girl who messed him up royally so all now he's just jaded

again
I'm reiterate
I'm closed for stocktaking
but I feel I kinda close to him and I sorta kinda miss him when I don't speak to him

but

I don't want to make this into something it isn't
so we'll just leave it there

2004 is a year for deprogramming the bastard alert

I'm always a little surprised when someone is *genuinely* interested in me
quite honestly I still think that when a guy is interested in me
he's interested in getting in my pants
or rather what he can get out of my pants
I know that's a little cynical but I haven't been able to find some one who has broken that trend

I met a guy now
he's good looking
ambitious
with several businesses
not married
no girlfriend
NO children
(yes I know something has to be wrong)
daana thinks he's weird
hehe
he's cool to talk to
real kinda sporty

so I don't understand why he's interested in me

my grandpa died on tuesday
I didn't think it would affect me so much but it did
I miss him
he's been practically my dad for so long

so I had to read something in his honour
to let pplz know what his accomplishments were.

Intimations on H McD

My grandpa, Harold McDonald Forde, fondly known as H McD and Doc was born January 10 1916. In his eighty eight years of life, he excelled in every endeavour he attempted, his medicine, sports, the cadet corps, bridge, charity work and family were all a priority in his life, and his influence on myself and the rest of my family has and will continue to be paramount. A maxim he lived by was “nothing but the best”, and he tried in everything he did, to provide the best service he could. These short words barely encompass his life, but each person here should be able to add some aspect to this as I’m sure my grandfather has touched each of your lives in some way or another.
Almost every day, he would tell us some anecdote about some part of his life. Most of them were hilarious, with my grandfather’s quirky sense of humour seeping through.
He and his older sister Lena were the children of William McDonald “Papi” and Gertrude Forde. Their mother died when Grandpa was three and when he remarried, Papi presented them with six siblings: Clifford, Violet, Stella, Majorie, Courtney and Marie.

Grandpa attended St Leonard’s School and then Harrison College. Apparently, the clock tower at Harrison College still bears evidence that H. McD was there, he hit a cricket ball and cracked the glass in the clock tower, and we are not sure if it has been fixed since but it remained there for sometime.
In fact, my grandpa is at this moment wearing his Harrison College tie, his Lions Club pin and in his pocket, his Lord’s cricket ground handkerchief. These symbols of the various affiliations were very dear to him, and he wore them with pride.
Grandpa’s love for literature, the classics and academics, afforded him to sit and win both the island scholarship and the Barbados Scholarship examinations. My Nana told me the story that when he won the Island Scholarship, the prinicipal of Harrison College at the time asked Papi, to allow another student to have the award, and Papi being the forthcoming man that he was, allowed the principal to confer the scholarship on this student, because quite obviously, “young Forde could pass it again.” Which he did! As luck would have it he could only accept one of the scholarships, and he accepted the Barbados Scholarship. In 1936, he journeyed to England to become a doctor at the prestigious University College, London. Grandpa’s love for books and literature and reading was reflected daily as he was always reading something, whether it was his medical journals or doing crosswords, he was always reading.

Grandpa qualified on the January 29 1942. He obtained his certificate from the University of London and was given the highest honour in those days as the young doctor to work with the Dean at the teaching hospital.

Grandpa was a brilliant man, to say the least, and dedicated this brilliance to the field of medicine but, as a practicing doctor and not in the field of research.
My grandfather understood the importance of a healthy patient, as opposed to a healthy bank statement. I remember quite often, many of his patients who were unable to pay him, my grandfather accepting payment in kind. Often threatening patients that if they didn’t take their medicine that they would have to pay for their next appointment.

Having qualified in 1942, Grandpa worked as House Physician for four years at University College Hospital, London. He then worked as Assistant Dermatologist at the Bradford Royal Infirmary in Yorkshire for two years and in general medical practice in Bradford and London for a further two years.

In 1947, he took up a post as Medical Officer and Assistant Medical Officer of Health through the British Colonial Service in Belize, formerly British Honduras. He was there for five years. He was very busy on that tour of duty because it is there he met and married my grandmother, Alice, and my auntie Stella, was born. It was ALSO there, that grandpa acquired a jaguar skin. This is a story he relished. He was working in the jungle region of Belize, traveling mostly in an open back jeep, one night he was traveling home, and he noticed a pair of eyes looking at him from the bushes. Now my grandfather was not a foolish man, and having heard reports of jaguar sightings put two and two together, and didn’t wait around for it to add up. He reached Nana, on three tyres, having blown out one of the tyres because of the speed he was traveling. A few weeks later, a hunter had shot a jaguar skin, and because grandpa was adamant that it was his cat, that had been chasing him home, the skin was given to him by the hunter, and lived with the family for quite some time. In Belize, grandpa had to wear many coats, he was doctor, dentist, coroner, obstetrician and the list goes on.

After Belize, Grandpa then ventured into University teaching for five years as the first lecturer in medicine at the University of the West Indies. By this time there were two children - a boy (my uncle Donny, born in Trinidad) and auntie Stella - and he, the ever patriotic Barbadian that Grandpa was, decided to return to Barbados to serve his country.

From 1957 to 1978, Grandpa was associated with both the Barbados General Hospital and the University of the West Indies, in various positions - both in practice and as a lecturer. In particular, Auntie Stella reminds me that he was Medical Superintendent for the Barbados General Hospital and was on hand throughout the construction of the new hospital, Queen Elizabeth Hospital. It was during this time, my grandparents had my mother, Ann.

He was the Senior lecturer in medicine and Associate Dean, Faculty of Medicine, University of the West Indies, Barbados during the years 1967 to 1978. He was also a member of Senate of the University of the West Indies during 1973 to 1975.
He was awarded the Jubilee Medal by the Queen in 1977.
In 1978, Grandpa and Nana traveled to The Bahamas. He went there to take up the position as Chief Medical Officer to the Bahamian Government. He was also the Technical Expert for the Commonwealth Fund for Technical Cooperation (CFTC) during that year.

Grandpa returned in 1980 and was Consultant Physician to the Geriatric Hospital in Barbados. He held that post for four years. He had also started private practice in 1975 and this he continued upon his return to Barbados.

He served the Government of Barbados in other medical capacities as a member of various committees and was appointed a Member of the Privy Council for five years beginning in 1980.

In 1984, he was invited by the then Prime Minister, J M.G.M. "Tom" Adams to be Barbados' High Commissioner to the Court of St. James and ambassador to Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Iceland, Finland and The Vatican. Although we know that medicine is Grandpa's life blood, to be of service to his country, in this capacity, held a special and important place in Grandpa's heart. My grandfather was a distinguished, honourable man, of quiet resilience. With a personality that resonated without him even saying a word. And to be able to serve his country in such a way really made my grandpa very proud and honoured.

I am so proud of my grandfather’s accomplishments, that he did with such ease, and without any attempt of making anyone feel less of themselves. He just WAS…. And anyone who knew him, and I mean really knew him, knew that he was a man of stellar personality, with a foolish foolish sense of humour, always finding some kind of humour in every occasion.
My mother believes that one of the most important things, among many other strong principles she has learnt from him was to help people without expecting any kind of return. He never expected reward for his actions and many people benefited from his generosity.

Sometimes, when I think of Grandpa as a doctor it is unbelievable to imagine that he could have time for other interests, but he did. Grandpa's love for cricket and football started from his own participation in the game. At school, he excelled as captain of both the cricket and football team. He was a member of the Barbados Football Team and represented Barbados as a goalkeeper, his nickname was mosquito, a reference to how quickly he could jump and save the ball. He was also captain of the London University Cricket Team and a member of the United Hospitals Soccer Team, London.
We actually have some pictures of grandpa when he was in his teens, saving a football, I’m not quite sure how the photograph was taken, but clear as day is my grandpa diving and saving the football.

Grandpa’s love for cricket extended to his professional involvement with many of the former Barbadian and West Indian great cricketers. My mother and her siblings grew up around many of the great West Indian cricketers and also many international players from other countries due to grandpa’s care and attention paid to these players. He was an avid supporter of the team and a life member of the BCA. His love for cricket never waned although the failing fortunes of our team caused some distress as it has done over the past to a lot of us.

Grandpa continued his charitable work as a member of Lions International. He joined in 1962 and rose to its highest position (at that time) of District Governor serving the region from Jamaica to Guyana. He has received numerous awards in this organisation and his current club, Lions Club of Barbados South, awarded him the Melvin Jones Fellow award in 1992. This is the highest award given in the name of the founder. He is now a Life Member. Grandpa loved being a Lion, I especially remember him grinning voraciously whenever the Lions had to do their Roar. I hope that you will do my grandpa the honour of performing one final roar for him at the graveside.

In 1994, Barbados in remembrance of my grandfather’s service, he was given the second highest honour, the Companion of Honour. For us, no earthly honour could even begin to pay homage to my grandpa.

My mother, aunt and uncle have been fortunate to have my grandparents as their parents. What more could a child ask for, near perfect role models who instilled excellent morals and ethics.

Grandpa brought us all up on a strict diet of classical and jazz musicians, with a great love for literature and learning. And of course an affinity for sports, cricket, football, tennis, chess, bridge. We acquired our natural talents from my grandmother, but it was my grandpa who insured our foundation with daily doses of the classics. From an early age, we all had a little piece of my grandpa. He was always willing to teach, if you were willing to learn. Always generous with himself and the greatest gift he could give us, his knowledge. One thing I always remember my grandpa saying, if I hazarded to say the word “thought”, he would say, “well you know what thought made a man do?”

Grandpa retired from full time service to the community on January 8, 1998 when he was 82. He was so distraught that he could not help them more, he asked my grandmother, “Who would be there to take care of his patients if he retired?” At last count, from his private practice, he had over 11000 patients, when he retired so many of them called, people stressing that they would not go to any other doctor other than Dr. Forde.
On behalf of my auntie Stella, my mother, Ann, uncle Yair, Maya and Joshua, I would like to sincerely thank all the persons who have assisted my grandmother throughout the latter years of my grandpa’s life, for those who were able to help us, the doctors who did so much for my grandparents, and especially Wilma who is as much a part of the family as I am. I would like to say a heartfelt thank you. The friends who were there when we needed them most, you know who you are; your kindness will never be forgotten. Thank you.

ok
best line put on me for the year
thus far
:)

so we all know its COLD as ras in other places
HB: I making dinner
me: I hungry
HB well come for some then Lani
me: tempting tempting
HB once you can stand the temperature
me: yah doh you gine have to warm me up
HB who said anything about being cold in the first place?

HAHAHAHAHAH

I love it
THAT is what I love about men
that wit
that little way they can get into your good side and just have your face flushed and your eyes shining
and you just giggling uncontrollably
:)
sigh
hehehehe

Happy new year!!!

ok I dunno what is up with the world but over the last couple weeks all the men I've met are SHORT to ras

nuttin wrong with short pplz mind you
I just feel a little odd when I have to talk to someone and I have to look down at them when I'm barefoot!

I feel very shallow about that mind you but I can't get pass that


*sigh* I will try tho! but I too love my high heels!!