Fella
oh i had a blast
SUCH A BLAST I STILL AINTMAKE IT TO WORK YET
me: haha
you're back home now?
Fella:
yeah left yesterday
me:
glad you had fun
Fella:
had a cool time even tho u aint callme up to take me out LOL
Me:
um
how was I to call you?
Fella:
just joking booo
but i did see u at baje and u loooked right at me and didnt even recognize me

me:
haha I saw you what once?
lord man


That is a classic example of someone being just a tad bit unreasonable
now I don't know this guy
never met him before
a friend who wasn't coming home asked me to give him my number and take care of him and his 5 jamaican female friends when he got here (yes five)
so I gave him my number
the man NEVER called me
I ran into him one time at Berger Boys and then never again
he claims I looked at him BUT I know this weekend I've be suffering from shortsightedness or something cuz someone would be right in front of me and I miss them completely

****
it may seem strange but I never really thought about guys having feelings
I mean of course they have feelings but somehow I just figured they were alot more stoic than girls
I mean a guy can be sensitive about things and emotional but in a guy way you know?
and sometimes the things that you do may end up hurting them and you don't even realise
don't get me wrong I try to be conscious of people's feelings
but I have to admit it kinda surprised me when this particular guy winced in pain by something I did

*****
tonite I'm going on a double date with Daana and two interesting fellas
:)
we gine have TWO hours of HORROR MOVIE THRILLS!
yes!
the village!!!!!


****

there is something exceptionally attractive about an intelligent guy
a guy who knows alot
I mean
its a little intimidating but at the same time oddly thrilling and exciting

picture this scenario
stretched out on a couch watching Mona Lisa Smile, in awe of all the paintings and how the "characters" could rattle off the names with ease, and thinking to myself I need to have some more culture in me, and be able to identify paintings and eras like that
when on the screen a crate opens and a mammoth painting is "unveiled" for want of a better word
now I was just staring at this painting becuz it was gorgeous absolutely gorgeous
and the two intellectual men in my presence begin to talk

"is that Pollock?"
"hmmm it might be, I'm not sure"
cut to Julia Roberts saying this is Jackson Pollock.....
"very good!"

I ain't speak yet mind you cuz I was still like ??? who is that?
mind you I'm still kinda proud of myself becuz its like in some part of my subconsciousness I recognised the painting and when he said Pollock I knew who he was talking about but...wow
that's all I have to say
wow

he knows so much and says so many things that I didn't think he'd know

its cool

MAN
I am in SUCH a good mood now
I hazard to say that this was the best Kadooment I ever had but it was MILES better than last year (last year I was jumping wid a VERY VERY unexpected visit from Aunt Flo) how bout I ON the Track and I say lemme go to the bathroom!
heart palpitations inna ONE

THIS YEAR
was great

in a costume that was blue, wid BEADS!!!! (yeah so them ain't wanna gi we beads I gine stick them on myself!)

at the front of the truck doing all the flag woman dances!!!

I get hoist up but the stiltmen or ...the moko jumbies as this trini man informed me I was wrong to call them stilt men hehe

and EVEN tho my feet were having spasms and I felt like I mash up my muscles and bones!
it was GREAT
BRILLIANT!


I could SO jump up again today!!!

that is the epitome of greatness tho
with your friends, friendly people having a good time people around you working hard to make sure everyone was happy!

*sigh*
and even tho some people were in another band we were still able to meet up and lime for a bit!

and I went to ALL the fetes!! saw the matrix wuk up and just LOVE it

I love being a west indian!
absolutely LOVE the fact that I can go out feting in a short pants
get paint on me
drink rum and gingers and be out with my friends and just have a blast
(note to self need another word OTHER than blast)

and even tho many people were like the music was ugh
man Come together and that rum song and sugar cane and can't done
all them songs just were great, I mean it wasn't even the music now, I was dancing to anything
and all the music from years before
THAT is what Kadooment is supposed to be like!!!

the only thing that could make this feeling even better
is if I had some food now
or a barbeque!!!

so today
I was on the set of the Rupee video "tempted to touch" with some video hoes
now to be honest
I dunno their sexual orientation they were very nice girls
the only thing that qualifies them as being hoes is the fact that they been in NUFF videos

its so funny how bajans can push things away

Rupee wanted desperately to have some bajan talent in this shoot but was overruled by his director Hype Williams and the representative from Atlantic Records

and as much as he tried to get bajans involved he gine still get bad minded by the bajans
:"he gets  more love in tnt"
is that really true?

are we so anal?

*******

I met a girl who deliberately dresses scanky cuz she likes it
and further more
says that she goes out alone and comes back alone and its the girls who dress all demurely that are the skanks

mind you the girl says all this with her fling batty walk and slack jaw

but on some kinda level I have to understand where she's coming from

anyone who judges how she is cuz of how she dresses is ignorant
but it does beg the question whether how she dresses encourages that line of thought
so you're kinda in a quandry
whatever she wants to do that makes her happy is important
skank or not

 

Don't Stop by Janet Jackson
 
This is sick
"Attention it's time to dance..."
Chorus Work it like you're working a pole
Shake it 'til you're shaking the floor
Pop it like you're poppin' a cork
Don't Stop, Don't Stop
Jerk it like you're making it choke
Break it like you're breakin' a code
Drop it till you're taking it lower
Drop it, drop it...
This is serious I'm delirious
So oblivious I could dance all night
With you
As long as its funky
This rhythm just makes me high
I'm like a junkie
I could dance all night
Chorus
So intoxicated I'm so stimulated
Feel so X-rated I could dance all night
As long as it's funky
This rhythm just makes me high
I'm like a junkie
I could dance all night
Chorus
Bridge
Everybody on the floor (Let's go)
Let's get hardcore (Get low)
Make my sweat pour (Oh no)
Don't stop (Gimme some more)
Ooh my body's yours (spank that)
Spank that back door (like that)
Drive me like a Porsche' (yea)
I could dance all night
Can we take this party higher?
Now just put your hands to the sky and
Clap, clap, clap, clap
I could dance all night
Chorus (repeat) Repeat Chorus

I Don'tby JULIE ANN MALLETT
I don't want to look into your eyes,
You’ll just deceive me with your lies.

I don't want to let you into my heart,
You’ll just tear it all apart.

I don't want to look at you and smile,
You’ll just make me cry after a while.

I don't want to say, "I love you,"
You’ll just laugh and call me a fool.

I don't want to give you any part of me,
Please just leave... and let me be.
 
*********
 
so I was in the show the Look on Sunday
I really thought more people could have been there
but I had fun still
 
not sure if I "tore it up" per se
but I had fun
I was stepping
bitch mode and ting!
 
****
ok so saturday
my boy calls me to tell me he misses me
this after he cusses me on thursday
 
somehow I can't help but feeling ... I dunno
used
used is a good word
 
no apology for how he treated me but he feels that he can call and say he misses me
AND say we should have done the same thing I told him to do that he cussed me for
 
ARRGH!
 
I don't care
 
I do NOT care that he missed me
 
cuz I'm pretty sure if he had hooked up with some woman he wouldn't have missed me
oh men are so fickle
 

 

what is this obsession men have with the quiet girl outside, freak inside?
I mean
they want a girl who outside is quiet and reserved
but then they want this total reverse when its just the two of them

*******

I HATE being jealous
and I HATE being teased about it
even more

and I HATE when there's nothing to be jealous about but its like the irrational side of me coming out


****
of late I've been feeling like I've been coerced into doing something I don't what to do
and all of that with out my knowledge or permission

its been this subtle thing

well I shouldn't say without my permission
cuz no one can make you do anything you don't want to do

I bought a radio for my car!!!!!!!!!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its so funny how life just makes sure you can't get ahead of yourself

here I was starting to feel comfortable
and its like "silly rabbit that's not for you!"

how dare he say I'm overreacting
what does he even know about anything
I swear men sometimes can be so dense its not funny

****
I remember seeing my grandpa
sitting on the verandah doing his crossword puzzles
and something came up to prompt him to say "Jeal-Ous-CEE!!!!"

it was with this kinda sing songy voice

at the time I can't really say I remember what it was he was talking about
I just remember vehemenantly protesting that I could ever be jealous

but what's so wrong with being jealous?

I don't mean over the top jealous like rip off someone's head jealous

but slight twinges of jealously can't be that bad
once you can control it

*********
I watched Frida last nite
now I have to say that was a movie I found extremely interesting
I don't know if it was the fact that it was so REAL as in the characters and how they reacted to things
or the fact that her paintings were just so unlike anything I've ever seen

it was interesting the kind of relationship Diego had with Frida
he was cheat on her
she would get angry but then accept it
"it was just a fuck..meant nothing like a handshake"
everything was different when he fucked her sister
she went crazy
and again he said it meant nothing

they stayed married
for the whole of the movie

oddly enough
the idea of coupledom is not so offensive as it was before

I guess it all depends on the circumstance

I still am not prepared to be in a relationship like that
but I must admit that the thought of it doesn't make my skin crawl as it did before

its actually kinda nice

don't get me wrong I always liked the idea of being a half of a couple
its just my perspective has changed

******

I SAT down in the middle of broadstreet yesterday

haha

there was a fashion show in the middle of broadstreet
I love runway!

a friend of mine got signed to IMG
how cool is that

as from tomorrow I am HOUSESITTING!!

I love housesitting! absolutely LOVE it
they have a pool and such a cool house

*sigh* I can't wait til I get my own place !

guy asks
"I should be in Barbados next week so will I see you"


I don't know
those kinda questions annoy me
will I see you
that's like asking is it going to rain three weeks from now
the only possible answer is I don't know
its a cop out way to ask something
if you want to see me say
Lani
I'm coming xyz day can I take you out to lunch on that day
not
will I see you
steupse

*****

I babysat these two kids today
took them to the wildlife reserve and chefette or rather 'da fete' according to Dan-dan

children are so cool they see things so differently than adults
I wonder when I stopped seeing things like how a child does

I went on a cruise the other day
apart from the men who were bartending
I was the only "black" person on the boat

now I have to admit it was a little odd
(quite easily I could have been older than everyone there too)

it was kind of empowering to know that I had the most rhythm on that vessel :D

*********

so my grandmother suggested
converting the guest room we have into my room
and giving my brother my nicely painted blue room

I know I'm being silly becuz the guest room would give me a little more independence it being slightly apart from the house and all

but I finally got my room how I like it
and to give it up and all

to my 7 year old brother just seems slightly unfair

plus the fact that my furniture won't really fit upstairs
AND the back of the house is kinda I dunno I know I'm being silly but its scary out there
and dark!

but I guess we could make it more secure
but then my brother would have my room!!!!! MY ROOM!
my sanctuary!!!!!

*sigh*
what to do what to do!

******

I went to my old ballet school's prizegiving
just to help out
its good to do random acts of helpfulness every once and a while

:D
I LOVE dancing
I love it

I miss it so much
I think I'm going to go to a dance workshop this evening :D

it is so cool to see a person who looks kinda plain
but when they get on a stage and PERFORM! I mean REALLY perform dance their hearts out
its just wonderful!

I think I'd like to donate a prize for my dance studios prizegiving

I'd call it the personality prize
for the dancer that exudes the most personality whenever they dance

last nite I dreamt about a fella

ok so I was at some fete, ummm not sure exactly where, but anyway I was all about jumping up and doing dixie as per usual
so then there was this plethora of men just walking past apparently I knew them but we (cuz I was liming with a girl, could only be Daana but I'm not sure) were pretty tired and just sitting down

so anyway the guy came over and started talking to me
and I dunno something about him I was just entralled in him I dunno
why

steupse then I woke up

sometimes you have dreams and then you wake up and still kinda feel all nice and stuff from the dream

Suffie
I'm REALLY sorry you think I was being disrespectful
but especially becuz my mother has no idea about this blog I don't think I was being disrespectful
I have no problem speaking the way I did
I was not being disrespectful
and further more the way I handled the situation with her
I think I should be given an award for how I spoke to her
you have know idea what kind of person my mother is
or the kind of issues that she lays on me and my grandmother and my brother

when you have some semblance of an idea of where I'm coming from then you can tell me whether or not I was being disrespectful

with everything that happened this week I forgot to blog how my weekend was
my weekend started on Thursday.. with Berger boys SHORT pants fete
that the pplz refuse to wear shorts....

had a minor exchange with the bane of my existence...who thinks that split personalities are fun

Friday....BAJE!
:)
got painted up and ting! I mean I was worried Baku and all but caw blemma it was burse!

and BARE people that you haven't seen as Daana said, BARE hugs and ting
LOVE it

and two thirds of the hot boys in so it was great

and one thing I have to say people were actually dancing!

that is a problem I've been encountering, when I go out, me and my friends are some of the only people dancing? why you gine pay money to just stand up? I mean you can do that for free in your house?!
I don't get pplz

Saturday
Power X 4 was washed out I'm slightly biased I know!
Moonshine was washed out BUT it wasn't desolate like Power X 4
rain did NOT stop people from jamming people were not standing up afraid to get their imi shoes muddy
and might I say, boatyard is just a place where you can go and be yourself...no body checking

I'm not so into foam, but I have to admit it wasn't bad this time, it didn't have the stifling affect that I would get if I was in say extreme

I ran into some interesting people too
more on that later!


Sunday.....
went to this "pool" party.... the pool was a 7 foot hole with dirty water a WHOLE set of posers or "dibby pplz trying to be bougie"
I mean its true, people like to say that bougie people just pose, but let me tell ya these people ain't MOVE bare statutes in the "fete"
I think its a bajan thing, don't wanna dance, or "free up yourself" as the djs ask them to

and I'm sorry but Old dub just ain't cutting it for me any more
its the same 20 songs just in a different order...
same thing for calypso
is there something wrong with playing MUSIC? not just one genre with a select 15 songs?

as much as Daana knocks it
I like the new dub, with the dances...becuz its not so much about Bad man this or that and its cool seeing people DANCING together rather than just wukking up and getting on skanky

I mean it grates on me to be out and see the proverbial circle gathering around some skitily clad woman who is in the splits on the ground doing god knows what
don't get me wrong
I would go to the dancehall queen show and have fun! them women are talented
but does it have to be EVERYWHERE?


after that went lounging in the gap
again with my Bane
I like liming with fellas well dressed fellas at that!

the highlight of the night (for them at least) was when this 19 year old guy came and sat down next to me (when I was next to two guys mind you)
so I have to say he was kinda brave
I shot him down easy (him being 2 feet shorter than me and all)

but I hadda draw the line when he asked me if my boyfriend minds if I dance with other people (a very loaded question to find out if I had a boyfriend or not)
SO I hadda do the whole
oh THIS is my boyfriend you wanna ask him yourself???

not that I wanna lie to someone but I just really wasnt about the hassle of having to say no I don't have a boyfriend and hear the multitude of questions that could ensue

so I copped out and said my bane was my man
*shakes head*
I know this will come to bite me in the ass!

its amazing how much one person can be a BITCH
and just fuck up your day with a few carefully placed malappropisms


no matter how hard I try
my mother will CONTINUE to piss me off

she called me on my cell phone to bitch about me using her towel
HER TOWEL
a crime I was innocent of mind you !
steupse

and has been PICKING and PICKING at my grandmother and has been complaining about my puppy Gin, mind you I've done everything I was supposed to do...clean up after him, feed him but NO she has to have it her fucking way and get on like a johnnie

****

it is not fun getting cussed for something you are TOTALLY innocent of
not at all!

D: i am going to ask my friend from new york to join me... for the wedding in bim
me: N? whoooo that sounds serious
D:yeah.... I spoke to her, she seems to like the idea
me: careful you're inviting her to meet your family at a WEDDING she may think you guys are planning something!!!!
D: wow... didn't see it like that
me: yes men never do of course she liked the idea
D: I just would hate being there date less.... so I thought that would be smart
me: haha men look for a quick fix never see the whole picture
D: I sure didn't see that one coming It's too late though, cause I already ask... would look bad if I go say something now
sent her money for her outfit and everything
me: I mean it would be mean if you don't really feel that way about her to be serious about her cuz that is some SERIOUS hints

D: see I need a woman
me:you don't need a woman you're a big man you can do things yourself its not fair of you to do that to her you're just using her
me: you don't want to be lonely so you called her you can't be bothered to buy your own clothes so you got her doing that for you
that is very cruel and very mean
me:good grief what kinda games you trying to do to the girl
its men like you that make me sick frig with women's heads
and turn them into psychos
d:
yeah I had a few of those so u think it was me
me:I don't deny there are psycho women but I really do think that the men encourage that kinda behavious not intentionally sometimes
but more often than not its that back and forth mixed signals shit that mess with women's heads
D: true well i hope she doesn't

"so if i was to ask u to go out wid me so i could get to kno u better wha would u say?"

what kinda fucking question is that?
that ranks up there in stupidity with the

so if I asked you for your number you would give me?

or

if I were to call you you would talk to me?

grow some balls man
man up
ask a question take a risk
these iffy questions are STUPID

ok
so why the fuck you'se got these women who are just so insecure that they feel they have to let all and sundry know "YES I have a boyfriend!!! yay for me"

steupse

it seems to be a psychosis the "former gfriend illness"

picture this

current gf, boyfriend and me liming (sorta) I am the ex, from two years
been there wrote the book bought the t-shirt

my girl cgf has to parade the fact that she is the girlfriend
me...I teaching her how to play dominoes, no malice, really nice to her
and what do I get? "OOOOH baby....I have to gi' you a kissy wissy bcuz I hurt your feely weelings??"

what the hell

steupse
again I say
I could drop the catty former gfriend routine but that is so not like me
but why they have to instigate uh?? why