ok
best line put on me for the year
thus far
:)

so we all know its COLD as ras in other places
HB: I making dinner
me: I hungry
HB well come for some then Lani
me: tempting tempting
HB once you can stand the temperature
me: yah doh you gine have to warm me up
HB who said anything about being cold in the first place?

HAHAHAHAHAH

I love it
THAT is what I love about men
that wit
that little way they can get into your good side and just have your face flushed and your eyes shining
and you just giggling uncontrollably
:)
sigh
hehehehe

Happy new year!!!

ok I dunno what is up with the world but over the last couple weeks all the men I've met are SHORT to ras

nuttin wrong with short pplz mind you
I just feel a little odd when I have to talk to someone and I have to look down at them when I'm barefoot!

I feel very shallow about that mind you but I can't get pass that


*sigh* I will try tho! but I too love my high heels!!

its funny how life is
how when you think you don't have and then you realise you have more than enough

the last couple days I've been thinking about Trench
no matter what happened consequently I'd have to say the way things were between us was great
I can say except for the distance, and the possibility of not being able to trust him, that's how I want a relationship to be

I have a friend who's going thru some shit right now
his wife/soon to be ex-wife is a psycho
or at least that's his opinion
but the point is
I think that he should at least TRY one more time
I mean the things he told me about her
I have to say she is a little off her bat and the fact that he stayed with her so long is commendable
now what I don't get
is that women like that just make men think that all women are crazy
even King, his last girlfriend was crazy to hell
(again in his opinion)

but I maintain that people only act "crazy" when they are hurt

what is it about men that is just so how shall I put it .......
delicious?

I mean without trying to make this guy seem to amazing
**trust me I've learnt my lesson**
he just has this voice that you can't help but melt into
I swear the man could be saying "you want fries with that" and give me automatic p.s.
hehe

and then he's so straightforward I mean he tells me things about himself that most people wouldn't even say out loud

and he's just so sweet

and he just has enough of a wicked element to be yummy

lord
I still don't like men hear? they stupid and everything but this guy is just.............I dunno
ay!

sometimes the only thing you can say is
ARRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHH:SLKF"AIJVC"AKNVC"ALKJFAKVCNA:KCNAKJCAS"PCJAS"CIN

and even then that isn't what you meant to say

ok these were from an email and they were just hard, any one who wants it let me know and I'll send it to ya

Shouting obscenities at a girl just because she DIDN'T RESPOND to your, "Yo shorty", (when you're shorter than her), or your "Ma, Ma, Ma",(when you ain't her fuckin' son), or to "Damn! girl!" (when she's with her man),only makes you look EXTRA stupid. All that cursin' while she's walking away...you still think she's fine, nigga.

Girls can fuck you and keep it movin' too. Stop thinkin' that if you fuck with us we're gonna catch feelings. Ain't nobody thinking about you nigga. Our boyfriend was just acting up that week.

everyone has a few quirks that may turn you off
the key is
to find out these quirks
either before you like them too much
or look past them as you get to like them too much

*****

now people always make little promises
and I guess being a law student now I take promises to be a little more than just statements
if you make me a promise or a statement of intention
and I fucking rely on that statement!
that can be a binding contract!!

why do people do that?
uh?

cha!

so there's a new guy
let's call him King, can't really say too much about him right now other than I like talking to him

we're having an email relationship!
back and forth little messages
its cool

just what the doctor ordered really

*sigh* exam on Thursday it doesn't even feel like it!

getting to know someone is so invigorating
I think that is the best thing about life
whenever you meet someone (especially someone who is not a part of your "clique") its so refreshing to hear their viewpoints, the way they think about things everything

and when you meet someone, you have to spend some time really digesting their minds, taking it all in, as much as possible

its really great

I feel so frustrated
I feel miserable and snappy and REAL bitchy!
why?
I dunno why
just everyone is getting UNDER MY SKIN I could just scratch it off!
I hate feeling this way, even more so becuz I have no fucking clue why I'm so angry!

****
sometimes I feel like I just want someone to take care of me
someone who would just know exactly how I feel and know how to make me feel better
I know I should be doing it myself its for me to make myself feel better
but sometimes I just wish there was someone who would do it for me

I wonder if becuz I hadn't been in contact with my father in so long, if this is why I feel like this

I mean he's just a person to me, someone I call once in a while to let him know if I've done something really good. But other than that, nothing.

I've really been missing a male figure in my life, my grandfather is old and weak now, doesn't even remember me
I think I'm looking to men for the wrong reasons
I need to sort out my self before I can do anything else

out of boredom
I signed up for one of those online singles forums
now....I'm still closed for stocktaking HOWEVER I'm having a little experiment, what is it that people look for, I mean what is the priority
obviously its looks, that's the first thing, then personality
but I mean how do you really know you'll click with that person?
conversation....but what if it takes REALLY long to get to know the person?
what if you jump off the train too quickly?
they could have been the love of your life if you'd just been patient.....OR you could be wasting time with this low-life when the REAL love of your life is just watching you and shaking his head cuz he can't believe you'd be so into such a moron

I tell you my theory about coloured people would be essential right about now

*ahem* for those who don't know my theory of coloured people is that you have a kinda range,
say blue to yellow
there are purple people, red people, orange people, all kinda colours in this range.
now a yellow person is lets say a bad person, they lie, they are arrogant etc
so when I look at a person I can see what colour they are and then know IMMEDIATELY what type if person they are.

now once you are a yellow person, you don't stay that way forever, that's why they are a range, so if you try to change the error of your ways, your colour will reflect that
so on any given day you could be a different colour, multicoloured if you wanted

I mean imagine how much easier it would be if you could see into a person so easily?

I am going to fail my exams
too much work!
far too much to cram in
oh LORD help me pick the right topics
study them well enough and throw them all up on the exam paper!

PLEASE NO SUPPLEMENTALS!!!!

so I met this 21 year old
really motivated! very interesting to talk to
generally a great guy to talk to

but some how I don't think he's the right kinda guy for me
I'm not feeling that vibe..........now the IRONY is suppose he's the right kind of guy for me
but my brain is overpowering my heart, and telling myself I don't like him?

Is it wrong for me to not want to get too involved just so I can keep my options open?

Is that bad? I mean men do that all the time so why can't I?

I really don't think he's the right guy for me but he's real sweet
wonderful to talk to
:)

ok so I changed my mind about my date
he's still a great person yes
but I'm not into him
it was just me being me and falling into a guy just becuz

I have this knack for making a guy seem like a demi-god without even knowing I'm doing it
I internalise EVATING they say
digest every word they utter

I set them up to fall off the pedestle I put them on
its not their fault really
(but that could just be me overcompensating)

*sigh*

death is so final
I mean I know that sounds like commonsense
but we live in a world were that's FINAL never means that's it

think about it when you're diagnosed with some terminal illness doctors fight day and night to keep your frail body alive
they put you on life support
fill you with tubes
give you medicine to make you live
cut off things before you heaven forbid DIE!
and then lawyers, appeal and appeal and appeal a case after its been decided

don't we know that NO means NO
and when your time is up that's it??

it doesn't seem so

I went to the funeral
I went to the gravesite
I went to her house and when I heard auntie Jo speaking in a voice so close to hers
for ONE moment I wasn't freaked out
becuz CLEARLY that had to be auntie Betty
there was NO way she was dead
none at all

she cannot be dead!
I can't accept that
how could she be dead??
she can't be dead

Why auntie Betty? Why her? I feel so guilty for not going to see her when I had the chance

when I was in her house I felt certain she'd walk around the corner and be like "hey Lani what's up, how's school going? how the boys treating you"

but she didn't and she won't

I just am so lost right now I don't understand why

exams in 16 days
god help me!
6 100% courses!!!

sometimes there are so many things on my mind I can't figure out what I want to blog
its true I can write pretty much anything here
and you guys have to read it !!!
heheheheheheh
there's a little bit of power in that idiocy!

I went to see Love Actually again
*sigh*
that is what I want
I want what Sam had for Joanna
I want a guy to work hard for me
learn an instrument or something
:)
hehe
looking back I've been the one who approached my fellas
so maybe I need to just lay back
relax and let a guy come to me
hehehehehe
a guy like KARL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yummy

****

I met a fella the other day, who didn't believe me when I told him I was single

I have nothing to say to that

he thinks I was lying to him now why would I lie to a stranger first things first
and second why would I lie to a stranger

its so funny how people assume things of you/other people
and can be so completely wrong

I have to admit I'm so guilty of that too
I wish I didn't do that
its such a bad thing for anyone to do

well yesterday was a day of highs and lows
one of the most awful being that my aunt who was only recently diagnosed with breast cancer (like 3 weeks ago) died yesterday
we're not sure if it was the cancer she succumbed to or the medicine
my mum went to see her after her mastectomy on wednesday and she was in great spirits
in a great mood
and yesterday she died
and she was in alot of pain too
agony
I dunno really what life is really about sometimes

***

on another level, I went to see love actually
that is a GREAT movie that everyone should see
its a bunch of little stories......the best for me is the story about Sam (the CUTEST little boy I've ever seen) and Karl ( AY PAPI!) Rodrigo Santoro is OFFICIALLY my new soulmate
I am promising myself that I will not go out with any other man unless he is EXACTLY like Karl in the movie

I am OFFICIALLY becoming shallow
he must look like the delicious scrumptious Rodrigo Santoro
he must be gorgeously sweet as Karl was in the movie
LORD help me
if I ever cross his path
raspingy ! I gine throw him on the ground and say huh fuh dat!

****
once again I am astounded by men
I went to Cafe Sol and McBrides with a friend of mine
we were both dressed VERY casually
bummy would be an understatement
no make up
pretty much well covered
YET
all kinda men kept coming up to us and checking us out
so what IS it exactly that men are attracted to?
cuz we women just don't know

so I called trench
I think it was a kind of test for myself
I spoke to him and was ok
he mentioned he was coming to bim next year
what was he hinting

anyway I still care about his welfare, but I realise I don't care
does that make sense?

I maintain men tell lies!
all the time to themselves to their gfriends, wives, families
they can't help it

but I called and I was ok
my heart wasn't aching