It's a new year with new possibilities
there's something about the beginning of a year that's filled with so much hope and potential
its fantastic
I've been so far trying to live up to my new years resolutions
whether or not I CAN is a whole other cup of tea
but I'll give it the ol' college try and see if I can maintain my standards
I've been giving serious thought to that question
"what type of law you want to do"
the more I think about it the more I detest that question
*sigh*
I suppose purpose driven people expect some kind of end to the road...but I don't see it that way
I see it MUCH more as a journey with many vicissitudes of life
and the end isn't really the goal we should be seeking but more enjoying the ride
how many times have you spoken to your Aunt Doreen or Uncle Clyde and have them say "so what are your plans in life young lady?"
I'm sure they really don't care what answer you give them but the ABSOLUTE worst thing you could say is a blithe "I dunno"
that's the game over button right there

ah well
what type of law can I see myself practicing
that is a question I think I shall have to ponder on for some more time

so yesterday was a really cool day
1. 5.5 earthquake which lasted for 15 secs, thing had my house rattling, funnily enough in tnt most things are amusing, and my roommates and I found the whole thing, plus peoples reactions hilarious, followed off by another two tremors between yesterday and today

2. class was cancelled, unfortuately this can be both a plus and a minus, the plus being number 3, the minus being the fact that these people will now schedule 4 hours of make up classes after I've been here for 2 weeks and done f*ckall

3. Went to west mall paid my bills had some lunch read my Che Guevara book
very cool thing to do

4. Went to see the most AMAZING play, "Mary Could Dance" I hear it may come to bim if it does you MUST MUST MUST MUST see it
it was COMPLETELY fantastic, out of this world great, amazing!

5. finished the night off at zen, trust me getting into a club free is great, getting into VIP and getting all your friends in just by a few text messages is Priceless

yep Friday was pretty great!

Saturday I spent most of the time watching DVDs did I tell you I can buy bootleg dvd's here for $3bds?
yep
that's pretty cool in itself
my collection is great

Tomorrow there's a cricket match and then that's it Monday, will we or will we not have school

back in tnt

and I have a whole new perspective on things
I'm not trying to jinx myself but its as if anything could happen and I'd be ok with it
why?
becuz in 8 short months I will be done!
:D

classes haven't really started yet
but at the very least I feel READY to go

Number one frequently asked question
What area of law are you going to study?
am I the only one that finds that question preposterous?

to me its like asking........what are you going to do in the next 5 years
I have an idea but I don't know
I may not even be practicing in 5 years
everyone is convinced I did law for "money"
get into corporate that's where the money is
how badly misguided some people are
anywho I think when I do decide what I want to "do" it won't only be for the money it will be for the fun of it too!

cheers

so...........I had my first experience with a tremor!
I sitting at my desk in my room, next to my window, and I'm just chilling, and ALL of a sudden the burglar bars on the second floor (my room is on the second floor) starts to shake
so I'm like who outside my window??
and then I was like how de f*ck they get outside my window
then I say WAIT, why my bureau jumping?????


Lord Trinidad!

it is SUCH an experience

a cute little boy!

This is a rice drawing, the rice is dyed and then dropped on the page, not stuck down. pretty amazing




so tonite the hindu community at school put on a Divali celebration show
it was REALLY great
all the Saris and the rice designs the singing and so on
and then they explained the story of Mother Lakshmi, and Divali Sita and Ram and why the light the dias (the little candles) to illuminate the darkness (which is ignorance)

for most of the nite I was feeling VERY ignorant
of their religion and customs
but I think maybe I MAY know a little more after tonite
it was really great!
we saw a traditional hindu marriage and there was a Tasa Band
all of this was free mind you! THEN they gave us curry and some kinda green thing, Barfee and something else (sorry if I don't know all the names) for dinner
I love it!

















Mother Lakshmi

this is just a cute little girl

















Namaste!

so this Friday gone, I had EVERYTHING set up, was going to zen, getting in free, had transp there and home! (imperative in tnt) and what happens? the fricking water off, can't get ready!
it may have been a blessing in disguise cuz I think I needed the sleep but CHA!
anyway
I THOROUGHLY made up for it on Saturday nite
the whole nite cost me $50 tt, like $20bds, we lived it up in the vip room with some other bajan friends then we went to another fete at Pier 1, then we left there and went to Maracas Bay, did anyone hear about the Tidal wave that was there? luckily we missed it but I ainno what woulda happen if we were there doing doughnuts when the water was coming in

TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO! truly an experience!

why people have nothing better than to make up stories about you is beyond me
I never understand how I have barely enough time to read a book, and yet other people, grown ass people, have the time to craft entire life stories about other people

on another note

all I hearing is that Hugh wooding is PROFESSIONAL training
so why is it that they treating me more like a child here

seating plans and ish!
have to FORMALLY request permission to be absent from classes
and they can say no if you don't word your letter correctly

and again the water went off
this time the electricity didn't go off!
I've never had to wash dishes with bottled water before
was quite a "treat"

ah Trinidad
such a strange land
where people call you "family"
and you never have electricity
or water, or transport or any kind of amenity
but rather the fear you gine end up in the city
when they blowing up garbage for kicks
cuz dese men ain't nutting but tricks

So everyday I think I realise there's a little something I could be appreciative over
like
the water only went off ONCE today
and even so the water tank didn't COMPLETELY explode when I noticed that the pipe leading to the house was slightly disconnected
Dana made a good point, when her sister was in Cuba she had to shower from pep bottles
WE ARE NOT SO BAD OFF!

I watched the Sisterhood of the traveling pants
and I'm not afraid to admit I cried a couple times

maybe it was becuz, uncannily I could see parts of my personality in the "sisterhood" and that realisation kinda freaked me out!

I'm feeling a little odd about my exams....If this was UWI I'd have exams in less than two months, here, I have about 8 months,
its odd, I feel the need to put in some serious work, but on the other hand I know 6 months from now I'll have NO idea what "paragraphing" is

so what do I do?

it seems so POINTLESS to be studying the way I usually study from so early
maybe I better just do that and stay on top of my "game"
but then I feel so unmotivated to study when everyone else is just liming

I know I'm not one to do what everyone else is doing, but I'm the head limer girl when I know I can put in my 5 weeks of work and do a whole syllabus

truthfully if the people who are lecturering would stop CHATTING so much and just lecture we'd be done by november


sometimes I don't even understand myself
so how can I expect someone else to understand me?

so for the past couple days the water has been on and off
and we have a water tank but that has apparently gone dry
I mean I not really stressing about this, its just something to get used to, a different thing you have to adapt to
actually I'm looking forward to the changes that will inevitably occur in me
I don't want to live these two years here and rely on someone else to do something for me when I can do it myself
I figure every day should be a journey to where you want to be, but that's not quite right becuz that makes it seem as if life is a destination like you want to GET somewhere
rather than enjoy the ride
I want to enjoy the ride the whole way, even if it might get dark and scary sometimes
but I figure it can't last that way forever

so its been a while and alot has happened
but I think as I'm in Tnt
I'll use this as a way to keep a journal and a diary of what's going on
plus people can make sure I've not fallen into some hole in tnt (yes there are lots of them)
or someone didn't run off with me or try to assault me in some way

so Tnt is cool
honestly it is
but I swear when I come back I gine be able to run the task force!
special forces! anyting so, I mean you gotta be SOOOOO vigilant ALL the time, if its not a bombing, or an assault or some man trying to steal ya school bag, someone getting kidnap or their head chopped off or being used as a human shield!
steupse

why de bodderation man!
why people can't just get along?

talk about an apology
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talk about an apology
I have to say men are gifted at saying the right things JUST when you need to hear it !

so I had school for a week
less two days cuz of Ivan
lord I feel so bad for Grenada and I can only imagine the havoc it will cause as its a category 5 hurricane now and Gilbert that destroyed Kingston was a category 3

as is always the case, the fresher's in Law are a bunch of cutesy girls and no male eye candy...*sigh*
its not that I'm interested I just wouldn't mind being able to look up from my books in the library and see a fella that looks partially good looking
with any luck the other faculties may have been more blessed

BOY I remember when I was in first year
and the MEN
LORD
talk about whiplash
you would just sit down and look at man after man
*sigh*

anyway I'm going to haul my ass down to the byard for the Fresher's fete
Moonshine tonite
I mean what better way to check out the freshers and socialise all in one place
:)

all in all I'd have to say that this summer was a great one
I'd give it an 8
it all started with Daana's birthday and getting her roasted :D
followed with days of liming and hanging out
the rally was cool, and all the surrounding stuff
I guess I learnt alot about myself and what I can tolerate and don't like and that's always good
I was pretty good with my skirt philosphy
wearing skirts 80%-95% of the time

guy:don't you think if you and I had a baby it would be beautiful

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THAT FELLA

I feel that people, caribbean men particularly taking this sowing the wild oats a step too far

they wanna have a child for fun
to see if it would be cute

I mean a baby is not a simple thing
and can you imagine the emotional scars that child could be aflicted with
I mean props to women and men who raise children alone
but lord children can pick up on the slightest thing
it would not be pleasant to know you were conceived "just to see how you look"

ok so school registration for me is on Wednesday
and I'm really looking forward to having to go to classes

its hard to explain but when I have a blank notebook, and I can fill it up with notes and information over the course of three months I just feel really accomplished and cool
and looking back at my notes I just feel so proud I love it

I love learning
love going to classes and reading books and filling up with information
if I could get paid to study, like do independent studies or something that would be great

****
today I went to the beach
with my home girl Daana
I've been beaching it every other day with someone or the other and its great
even tho I'm still car less the fact that I have friends who decide to call me and say, I'm going to the beach wanna come? is just great

anyway so we're in the water
and listen to me
some damn worm looking like thing that LOOKED like a pine needle swirled itself around Daana's finger
and lemme tell ya
I was out of that water so fast!
I didn't even wit to make sure I saw what I thought I saw

I know the sea is full of a whole bunch of crap that we don't know about
and I keep expecting to see a giant fin come out from no where

the beach today was brilliant tho, worm creature aside
the sea was shallow and Crystal clear
and not too cold
it was TERRIBLY hot today tho
I mean I don't sweat and I was sweating buckets
so you'd understand

*****
this weekend I was privy to some "guy talk"
I have to tell you I felt really priviliged to be a part of the conversation even if I had nothing to contribute
the topic of discussion was who is on their "list"
now let me explain
the list is a list of past gfriends that are off limits for the rest of the "men" [have to use the lingo]
and in the deliverance of said lists, some of the guys were explaining why that particular girl would be "damaged goods" if any of the men "risked" at her

*hehe*

for myself I don't really think I have a "list" per se becuz I was thinking about it
I don't REALLY think that there's anyone I would perceive as damaged goods if say my friends were to start talking to them
but then again I dunno

what does that mean tho
does that mean that I've killed my emotions for those fellas?

sometimes I feel like my emotional side is gone
I get momentary lapses when its like some kinda hormonal imbalance
but generally I'm not bothered not upset not jealous *too much*

but when I do let it bother me its the worse feeling in the world

******
I have come to realise that men can have mood swings with symptoms damn near to drug overdoses

****


the bane of my existence
and I don't even think that he knows he has this kinda effect
sometimes I feel like its like a romance novel
you know bare your soul and reap the rewards
UNFORTUNATELY I'm too much of a cynic and I think that inevitably
if I let my guard down too much
he will do some shite to fuck it up
and that is when its going to hurt the most
so I'm cool with us being friends
I'm such a chicken :(

I LOVE how there's someone at the end of the races who just HAPPENS to have a flag of the winning contingent, and just hands it over so they can run with it

:D

RIGHT!
Big up de Dance Hall Fraternity!!!

Saturday NITE
I gine an' bash out in de VIP section at
Black Chiney
yeah true VIP style is only who you know dat gine get you in there
lord that sounds so booogey!
anyway
if anyone wants to be in that section, lemme know, its $40, with a private bar, possibly waitresses, chairs and ting

Neysa I know you're my bashment partner since Vanya, Joia and Tonya and all dem not here, so if you know anyone (friends preferably) that you know that would wanna go in that section leave me a message

there's something oddly comforting about Big Bird
a giant bird who is just so obtrusive and humongous
but yet he tries really hard to be small
as in keep out of people's way

its really interesting
sometimes you feel like you're larger than life, huge
and all you're doing is trying to keep out of people's way
but no matter how hard you try your damn tail keeps knocking over shit

it makes you wonder
you shouldn't really ever try to be something you're not
its not fair to anyone and more than that
its definitely not fair to yourself

right now I feel like big bird,
maybe even bigger
and as much as I tried to keep out of people's way
that damn tail is just fucking up everything

I thought about clipping it
honestly
or maybe even a big scrunchie or something
but the tail just wouldn't keep down

but you know what I realise must be the best option
I need to stay out of places with stuff that my tail can knock over

Again
it happened again
I'm so tired of this shit
"it's not you its me I'm complicated"
well I have had enough
I am STILL closed for stocktaking in fact I think this shop is closing indefinitely
I hate men!
hate them
I hate how they can weedle their way into your attention and when you think ok its not so bad and kinda open up and then they do some shit
some REAL shite and you just feel stupid and ignorant for even giving them a chance
and I HATE feeling stupid
and what is more now today is acting as if nothing happened
and I'm being a temper tantrum feening female to get on like this
*ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*